I fear what I cannot see.
I fear that God is nothing but a mere myth,
that I’ve spent so much time trying to comprehend
a concept that is incomprehensible.
It is though I’m believing in someone or something
that might as well not even exist but isn't that faith?
To blindly believe in something or someone
that will bring you salvation,
to open heavens door,
to love you infinitely? Isn’t that what we live up to?
I’ve blamed the world for my suffering.
I’ve cursed those who have made it impossible
but the person I have come to blame it all on is God.
We’ve been mortifying ourselves
about how we don’t belong in a world
where God has made everything cruel and painful.
Well isn’t it easier to believe that the one who gave you life
is responsible for the misery in your life,
the constant deceptions created,
a life that isn’t worth dying for.
I’m headed to hell, some will say
and other’s will try to save me.
Some are afraid to live a life
and other’s are afraid to die.
I don’t fear death because it’s part of life.
They make death sound so horrific and tragic
but in reality it’s not.
Death in the end is serene,
Death isn’t darkness but rather a reality check.
A way to makes us see that our life is worth more
than we ever think it to be.
To waste your life on a simple problem is reckless.
Those souls stuck on purgatory are
waiting for their final destination to enter heaven
Thinking if their life was fulfilling or regrettable.
I won’t crawl for salvation
nor will I beg for forgiveness.
My heart is in the right place
but my mind does not agree
with the conditions in believing in God.
No, I am not doubting his existence
but wondering about his mighty plan for all of us.
I wish to enter heavens gates and be one
with God in his paradise.
To have never given up faith for those who said
God never existed,
that our souls are headed nowhere,
that there is no paradise in the afterlife.
I'm fighting to survive, his test of freedom on earth.
After all, he knows when we will fall or rise,
fail or succeed.
I'm not a misguided soul wandering around questioning God's every move.
I'm trying to bring tranquility to myself in order to accept the impossible.
I believe that every move we make,
every choice made,
every act of kindness or cruelty has been set forth into play.
We either follow through or surprise God in many ways but to him there might be no surprises; it's a turn for the better or the worst.
Whether you believe or not,
you choose what you want to believe but science can only explain so much until it becomes unexplainable.
As for me, I'll keep believing even if at the end it's lies.