They say it's easy to fall in love with your best friend,

Honestly they don't have a clue.

I long for just the touch of your fingers gliding across my face and tracing my arms.

You make me higher than the tallest peaks of the tallest ranges of the most scarcest planet.

The smile spreads across my mouth replacing the laughter forcing its way through my body cavities,

warming my fingertips, toes, thawing my heart.

But yet I am too awkward to say anything and shy away from confrontation.

How easy it seems to remain friends, easy and safe,

But sometimes I want to jump off that peak

landing in the warm folds of clothing and flesh piled upon your bed.

All I crave is sheer proximity,

and you to hold me when I need "justing",

a term you made up to fix the silence brought about 

when I not only can say nomore,

but wish not to speak through words.

Sometimes I wish I could break this silence and surprise you

but bite my tongue instead because relationships of any kind never came easy,

human contact always seemed out of reach, 

and the fear of change devours me every second of every waking day.

Okay I am afraid.

There I said it,

I am afraid to ask for help because asking is admitting I have a problem,

Asking is feeling sorry for myself when out there bigger problems/better people are waiting to be faced, 

I'd hate for you to concern yourself with my own petty ones,

Asking is giving up, I thought I was coping, at least most of the time,

but now all I want is you by my side, accepting me like you always have, sane or not.

I hold my tongue because I want the best for you, 

I want for you to be able to leave without regrets to find yourself,

And I don't want you to be upset if all you ever were was another fantasy, 

I love you too much to let that happen,

So until then in the terms of something more I shall stay anonomous.