He was first there in the spring when I took a jump.
He watched my every move and kept me lined up.
He never did leave, no, he insisted on staying.
He stayed with me until it became intoxicating.
I can feel his eyes when I'm alone in my bed.
He loves to coexist with the voices inside my head.
I can't escape a cage with bars set too high,
and I've tried to jump but I remain captive inside
He was there in the summer when the heat was too much.
Everything was gray and the pain continued to build up.
I choked on my words and I drowned in my tears,
but that's when he slithered in and swore he'd always be here.
So he was there for years before I told a soul.
I thought it was normal, but I was told 'no'.
When I'm out with my friends, he builds up a rush.
There's always a knife to my throat to keep me in touch.
He was there in the late fall when i took my biggest leap.
He promised to be there and that he would still catch me.
He held me captive for five days, and I remained suffocated.
But the sixth day I broke free and his love for me finally faded.
Now it's winter and every day I try to keep him away.
Some days he crawls back, but I force him not to stay.
He paints the nightmares and tries to make me miss him.
I continue to tug on the chain when i refuse to listen.
'He' is not a man, but rather the burn in my veins.
The name is anxiety and it follows me day after day.
This year I've learned how to try to keep it tame,
but like an animal, it still fights me worse on some days.