The Anguish of Deluded Parents

Fri, 03/13/2020 - 21:47 -- EK

In your minds, I’m dead

I’ve abandoned you and left

You mourn

Gnash your teeth 

And wail

Agonizing for me to be returned to you

 

But what you don’t see

In your misconstrued grief 

Is that I am not dead

In fact, I am more alive

Than I have ever been

 

Do not go to my grave and weep

For I am not there

I am not afraid to keep on living 

And I will live in spite of your fear

In spite of your hate

Which is packaged as love

 

You scream in anguish

Demanding to know 

How

Why

I would do this to you

 

But your vision is warped

In reality, you have done all of this

To yourselves

It’s only in your minds

That I have died

 

Do not go to my grave and weep

For I am not there

I am alive and fighting

In spite of what you’ve done

 

Do not smother me in my sleep

I will not be silenced

I will not be a hastily buried secret

I will not be shoved aside

Not anymore

 

Do not go to my grave and weep

For I am not there

You dug that grave yourselves

And deluded yourselves into thinking

That I was buried there

But I am not

 

You mourn over an empty grave

One with a name that isn’t mine

You mourn the ideation of me

That you created

Then tried to extinguish 

The true me

When I broke the mould 

 

I cannot be that person for you

So go ahead and grieve

If you can’t see that I have never been 

That version you idolized 

 

You may go to my grave and weep

But remember that I am not there

I am living and I am free

All that you mourn 

Is a figment of your imagination

That never truly existed 

 

I am not afraid to keep on living 

I am not afraid to spit in your tearful faces

I will live

I will be true

And you cannot stop me

For I am not in your grave

You did not succeed  

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This poem is about: 
Me
My family

Comments

Annette M Velasquez

Riveting and intense. The emotions here are staggering and you have effectively expressed your survival, despite the brokeness- and dysfunction around you. This is a poem of triumph and healing... It is eloquent and profound.

acriartem

Oh my goodness. I've been trying to write a song about being trans for a while (I'm working on a small passion project) and your poem works so much better than any of the poorly constructed clusters of words I've made. This poem is honest, it has grit and talks about how awful parents who don't understand can be. Yet, it also shows that life still goes on, you can choose to ignore the hate and keep moving forward to a better life.

acriartem

I genuinely wish that I had some kind of funding because I would happily pay you to write a song for my project.

EK

Thank you so much for your kind words, they really mean a lot to me. I'm really glad that you enjoyed my poem :)

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