Am I Over It?

I miss you.

I can't believe it happened. You said it would but I never believed you.

I thought of myself as superman, invincible, no consequence, but in this instance I was wrong.

I'm just an ordinary man, No super powers, no immunity, I didn't listen to the community that said we were going the wrong way.

Like the titanic, I was unsinkable, but from the start I was destined to part from you after I thought the unthinkable. It's true.

You were the Lois to my Clark, but the blatant contrast is now stark against the discolored negatives of my mind that reveal to me the memories of all I did to hurt you.

I thought I made you happy, in your eyes you leaped for joy at the mention of my very existence, but I was pretentious to think that I owned you.

You listened and respected my thoughts, ideas, and recollections. When I poured out my heart, you kept track on the chart of your mind, you never forgot. You never do.

But when those playful memories are accessed and I reminisce on the times gone by that seem like years ago yet yesterday at the same time, the lush garden of each flower, each moment, is choked and brutally murdered by the weeds of my insufferable mistakes.

God offers forgiveness to every man, if he but turn away from his sin, but from you I am granted no such luxury.

Some say the Titanic was brought down not by a flaw of its design but by a miniscule, thin gash, a gash that could hardly be noticeable until the pressure of the surrounding water fingered its way into the tiny fissure of the vessel that God himself could not sink. And He did.

Did I not think that my pride would be our downfall?

Could it truly have been so hard at all to listen to what you were telling me, what you were really saying, what I refused to believe, what happened to be, what ended everything?

But I ran, full force, no stops barred, aimed at the speeding train, because I figured it would be the same, it was always the same, God wouldn't call my name, wouldn't call my name to stand before Him in present day judgment and face the consequence of present life derailment from his righteous way.

Now drifting to the ocean floor, I open my eyes, and in the blurry red haze of the salty brine that stings my wounds and sends my spine a shiver at the mere thought of where we could have gone, I grasp for my cape and wonder why it's non existent not tied to me to keep me safe.

But I rest in peace knowing that above the waves, floating safe, atop the miracle ice of God's hand, you live on.


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