Often I forget I’m often distracted
By laughs and pop quizzes and blue ribbons

Words on a paper
That tell me in drumbeats
“You almost have it almost together”

 

Lies sputtering death
I’m deathly afraid of introversion
At least
I tell myself I fake it very well
“You almost have it almost together”

 

The aisles of red remind me I’m not dead yet In search of a fucking black pair of socks
I never expected to feel you breathe Especially when I’m alone

 

The more I speak and the more I tell
They tell me you’ll go away
They tell me you’ll drain in repetition
And tell me you will not find power under my scepter

 

But the aisles of red remind me I’m not dead yet And as long as I exist, you exist
And the knife that slides across my thighs
Will always exist, suspended

Especially when I’m alone

 

Often I forget that silence fills the void It eats of itself
It eats into motion a cycle
“You almost have it almost together”

 

Lies sputtering hatred
How could you hate red
Crimson claimed as caring
“You almost have it almost together”

 

The aisles of red remind me I’m not dead yet And although I push you out
You push back in
Even if I haven’t seen you since the Fall of Fourteen

I can’t think straight when I’m alone

 

The more I speak and the more I tell
They tell me you’ll go away
They tell me you’ll drain in repetition
And tell me you will not find power under my scepter

 

The aisles of red remind me I’m not dead yet Because who knows who stands behind these registers
Do they register who I am

 

Have they plotted my positions
I can’t think straight when I’m alone

 

Often I forget that you were hardly human

Although, of course I wish you were human

Because humanity would surely mend my lacerations

“You almost have it almost together”

 

Lies sputtering fear
You know exactly what would kill me
And I need to remember that that’s not the same thing as caring
“You almost have it almost together”

 

The aisles of red remind me I’m not dead yet I’m not alone