I lived in other people hoping that they would throw me smile in exchange for my empty words.

At one time I was a young girl calling for understanding and admiration,

Instead I lived in loneliness and desperation.

The phone rings late at night and I cling to your words as if they are all I have to eat, because they serve for me to keep living.

Now i'm more than a blank sheet, and a foam pillow that craves your mark

but this is not all that defines me.

My thoughts would pass through my mind like dust in empty room, not there to begin with and doesn't really matter if it's gone either.

But now I've found that this is the life for me and it matters because I believe it does,

my body isn't something id throw away the instant I could anymore,

it has meaning and worth, my thoughts are no longer circles and forgotten dust,

I have thoughts that I believe are important

And I have hope for others and myself

The love I have now is not a mindless obsession i'm terrified to lose,

with my lover it’s whole, flowing and beautiful. We grow together not fixing flaws but loving them and caressing words that hurt until they fall into love.

And losing one another isn't a tease something that often dances on our tongues and minds, but rather a thought left behind in another world.

With friends it's open and giving, we love with joy and laughter.

My love in family is a connected glowing ember, that ebbs with a certain warmth.

I am a new me, ready for life, giving all I have.

i’m smiling in a desperate setting, knowing I can cry ,

but I don't.

I have a deep hunger for happiness, a longing for smiles and laughter

i'm open, open mind, open hands,

Open heart.

Lack of love is now my muse, not because its what I am but its what I can hear and see in others.

I hope that I can somehow help the world love a little more, even through as little as a smile.