To all the men I almost loved
First, above all else; I hope you are well.
I hope you are happy
And cared for
And maybe even loved
The way I was meant to love you
The way I wanted to love you
The way I would have loved you
And to all the men I almost loved
I am sorry for the tears
Or the anger
Or the desperate words under breath
I cannot take back
I’m sorry for holding on,
When there was nothing to hold on to
And I hope you do not resent me for letting go.
To all the men I almost loved,
Sometimes I dream about you
Never all at once
Although that might be an idea
I dream about running into you at a farmers market
Or on a hay ride in October
I dream of moonlit lakes and skinny dipping together
And I wonder what could have been
What would have been
If we’d let it
But regret is just another way we hurt ourselves
So to all the men I almost loved
Perhaps if I had just kept messaging after you stopped replying
Maybe if I had brought cookies to your door instead of accepting your disinterest
That things would be different
Maybe I would be different
But I don’t want to be loved by someone who couldn’t love me where I was
Who couldn’t handle the hurt that I carry
I refuse to be disassembled again
I am tall enough to touch the stars
I am strong enough to survive this far
And my body has all the curves of the Himalayas
So don’t build your parking lot here
And to all the men I almost loved
Love, you almost had me