Before, After, and Now

I don’t know when my life began to be measured in befores and afters and nows

Before I met him I was happy

But after I was in love

Before I told him this things were simple

But after he said "no" there were more layers to us

Every after led to us being closer than before

I always wanted to get to the afters but now how I long for the befores


Before he told me his secret we were inseparable

But after, he kept pushing me away

"I feel guilty every time I'm with you" he says

"Maybe we should stop spending time together" he says

"Its not you its me" he says

And now I wonder why I am being punished for being a good friend

Now I pray for my heart to stop breaking

Now I ask what happened to the us' and we's he and I lived by


Before we spoke in kind words and easy laughter

But after he became vulnerable, he became hard

And now our conversations are strained

Now we fight everyday

Now yelling, crying, and hurting have become the norm


Before it was an us

But now it is a you and I, separate

And now I’m waiting for you

Now I’m praying for you

Now I’m hoping for you and me 

To just be ok again

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