Afraid to Lose a Friend
Woke up at 7, hope today’s better than yesterday
Walk to work, I’ve always been focused on my pay
Earbuds in, I start walking out the driveway
Try to forget the world like I forget which day it is
Hope my friend’s doing as well as he says he is
No one’s got my back like he does
Just lately, my life’s been in pieces
My workload increases
My self-critical mind never ceases
Negativity running in my head like Adidas
Everyone says just go to school
Are they going to give me the money to go?
So, I’ve been working myself dead
Ensuring my sister and I are fed
So stressed, so angry all I see is red
No one understands what’s going on in my head
Cause a man should leave his thoughts unsaid
But to be honest, I miss my mom
Things got worse when she left, my dad says I’m wrong
He calls her names, and I try to remain strong
But I want to break when he says she’s better off gone
These thoughts racing all through my shift
I dissociate when I’m pissed
Unintentionally treating everyone like shit
4 o’clock hits
Clock out, walk out without saying a word
I put my earbuds in and forget the world
I walk into what I thought was my empty house
Open my bedroom door to my friend sitting on the couch
My thoughts stop, I’m in shock
He greets me with a grin
He asks, “Hey buddy, how you’ve been?”
I reply, “I’m good, man. Everything alright?”
At his house, nothing’s alright
His mom’s boyfriend starts fistfights
He can’t sleep at night without fright
He needed a place to stay
I told him I got one
He needs a job to get paid
I told him I got him
Days go by, we are doing better than we were before
Work at 8, done at 4
Eating right, exercising more
Talks late night, about one day not being poor
To this day, I still blame myself for what happened next
He left for a night with his ex
When he came back, he said he did meth
I should have been happy he didn’t meet death
I should have been proud of his progress
I should have forgiven his mistake, since no one is immune
But I became consumed by a selfish attitude
I became aloof because I did not understand his drug abuse
I ignored his pleas for help and cries for forgiveness
He called off, lost his job, then went to rehab for his addiction
Once he got back, I was so overwhelmed by the tragedy
Of not being able to help my friend when he needed me
I realized people change and sometimes I need to let go of the memories
So, I asked him to leave, he said okay, and that’s the last thing he said to me