Afraid

January 21, 2016 at 5:06 PM

 

I’m not afraid to
Say that I’m afraid of love

 

Starting my life as an innocent child

Everything new, true, and beautiful

Growing up in a regular home

Having a mom and dad come back home

As the years went

So did the people around me

Heartbreak everywhere

Turned up

From the lefts and the rights

And then here I am

Never have been touched

By a boy with grey eyes and

The smile and the laugh

That could cure depression

Only slightest touch

I’ve received is

His hand in mind

As he twirled me

Around and around and around

All through the night

I experienced

Something I never thought I would

Until I was out of high school

And I looked like every

Desirable teenage girl

The one with perfect shiny and long hair

That you can twirl around your fingers

Never creating knots

Or having skin as

Clear as the blue sky

After relentless rainfall

But I am not

And that is why

Everything on

That Halloween night,

Felt unreal

Until I got home

And there was no goodnight kiss

Like in those cliché

Movies from the 80s

He won’t be the one to raise

His fist in the air

Blessed and satisfied

He had the girl of his dreams

He won’t be outside my house

With a radio set to

The song we danced to

We won’t ride off into the sunset

On a lawn mower

I’m not scared of love

I’m absolutely terrified by it

I’ve never been able

To hold someone

Or to have someone hold me

Never experienced the

Late night talks

Filled with views on

Why the stars in the sky

Line up the way they do

And what we can make out of each

I don’t think

I’ll ever want to experience that

Pouring my heart and soul

To someone who can easily forget me

Someone who can look at me

One day and think how beautiful I am

But never speak to me the next

I don’t want my whole being

Picked apart

Piece by piece by piece

Because I know he

Won’t be the one to put me back together

He won’t be the one to

Tell me everything was

Going to be okay

Because he will be the one

To put me in that state

The state of hopelessness

He can be the one to speak

Words of poetry

Late in the night

Or during dinner conversations

He can be the one to

Touch me in places

Never been touched

Even by my own hands

He can be the on

To take me to the places

I’ll never be able to go to

This boy

Whoever he is

Can be the one I put

My trust in

My love

My all

And he can be the same

Person to break me

He can be the one to
Steal the light from

My mind

He can be

Everything I am afraid of

He can be love

And that love terrifies me

 

-(hms)

 

This poem is about: 
Me

Comments

Need to talk?

If you ever need help or support, we trust CrisisTextline.org for people dealing with depression. Text HOME to 741741