An Addiction

These feelings are becoming
tighter around my throat.
I try to hold my breath
but the months just float.
My esophagus collapses
and I begin to wimp.
My heart gets hyperactive,
while I find myself sinking - limp.
Then at zero hour:
He sees me whole,
but with eyes so jumbled.
Cautious not to hurt anymore,
toward him, I still fumble.
His hands so rough
rip apart my shell.
With a gentle touch
it's abandoned - my tell.
The flutter of my lip,
the trail from his eyes to his mouth...
       Oh! How I've waited for this trip!
My heart wants to shout,
but my mind has the script.
"One more time" I say;
even though its a lie,
I hope for the day
it's a consistent high.
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