Acting Has Never Been My Thing

It’s hard to act like missing you isn’t killing me. It’s hard to act like I sleep at night when I have somber bags under my eyes and tear stained cheeks. Have you ever felt like crying, but all you can do is smile? I’ve never understood that. I don’t understand a lot of things. I do know that being with you is nothing short of perfection. Except now it’s one in the morning and i’m trying to explain how I feel when you’re away, but nothing is coming out. I haven’t written in months, I think that’s why I can’t breathe right now. I didn’t grow up feeling loved, you were the first one to ever make me special. Meeting you was kind of like life slapping me in the face and screaming, “hey asshole, stop feeling sorry for yourself,” and I think that was the greatest gift I ever received. I think you were the greatest gift I ever received. Your presence has always made me feel loved and cared for and I still don’t think you understand that. I don’t think you ever will. For as long as we are separated from each other, I will struggle to fall asleep and when I do, I’ll be awakened by nightmares about losing you. I’ll wake up in tears and sweat and to a text from you. And I think that may be enough. You’ll always be enough.

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