about the first boy i loved


you were not capable of love

i'm not sure

you ever were


back then

i believed

a broken heart

could be mended

a hand

always extended

but now

now my veins are split

from searching

for a part of me

that has no memory of you



drank from my body

like a fine wine


after bottle

after bottle

after bottle

you sipped from my sunken collarbones

and i let you

because i loved you

but now


i am not capable of love either

you broke me

a toothpick

between your lips

and under the pressure of your teeth

i snapped

because i was nothing to you

nothing but

tight skin clinging to sad bones

veins throbbing

ready to burst

you unzipped my flesh

like it was your favorite sweater

and held your hands out

a child waiting to be rewarded

befreo digging your fingers

into my stomach

delving into my blood

desperate for something more

you howled out my name

draining the color in my eyes

stealing the soul in my skin

and as you painted my bones black

and packed my heart into your pocket

i felt my pulse slow

to a deadly stop

the world

fell to a venemous silence

all i could hear

was the malicious tone

of his vicious voice

and with my blood

covered in his lips

he hissed in my ear

i love you

i love you

i love you

i'll always love you

and as i choked in

fresh air through my

cahpped lips

to my peeling lungs

gasping for a feeling

of freshness

that was free of him

my head ached

his veins screaming

over and over

again and again

demanding my attention

with teary eyes

bruising my thighs

and calling it care

tearing my hair

and calling me yours

thirsting for my touch

and calling it love

and i realize now

that you were a wolf

famished and confused

in the winter woods

and i

was senseless to anything

but your desire

and the only reason

you ever said

i love you

or pretended to care

was so

you could keep feeding

from me


Need to talk?

If you ever need help or support, we trust CrisisTextline.org for people dealing with depression. Text HOME to 741741