Abandoned

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All I ever wanted from others is to be loved. I never try to offend, so I'm sorry if that's the message that I send. I lost all of my trust because my heart has been abused, but how can you trust the words of others when in the end you lose. Friends become enemies, enemies become rivals. It's like you’re constantly on stage going up against a million Simon Cowell's. Losing friends left and right, crying yourself threw the night and the waking up facing the fact that you lost the love of your life. Feeling like a bum, wishing you can remember your father calling you son. Scared to face the day when the doctor operating on your mother says we lost one. Fighting back the tears of rejection as the thoughts of suicide becomes an attraction. Every decision becomes critical; every situation becomes literal, to where in any conversation your life comes out subliminal. Always fighting against anger, the hate in your heart ready to challenge danger that can easily be turned in to sadness because your family talks about you as if you’re a stranger. They say there's no rest for the weary, but can the rest of the world hear me when I say that I am not a bad guy so there is no reason to fear me. Yet people right me off as some deranged psychopath, where they try to pick my brain and analyze the results in their judgmental mindset lab. Feeling the bruises of defeat as you try to stand on your two feet but life shows its ugly face and puts any hope of victory to sleep. Losing respect for those you once looked up to. Hurt by the ones you talk to and threatened by the ones you never talked to. Not fearing for your own life, but in fear of who would care. That if this was my last breath, who would truly be there. A lot of people know me but still have yet to meet me. Jam is the person I send out so nobody can truly see me. Lost in a world of stone, that with no problem will crush even the toughest bone, which is why I use liquor to make sure my mind stays gone. I try to stay calm but life can be the cruelest. Which is why I feel abandoned to the fullest.

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