I wrote you poems when my heart was at its best and at it’s worst.
My words precious and gentle were for you
even if you didn’t deserve them or you never knew.
These words were the songs of my soul.
Cheesy and over played at times,
but you still bobbed your head and listened to every rhyme that left my lips.
And all it took was for me to play them for you one time
And you were stuck
I know you found yourself realizing
That the sound of my voice was your new favorite song
My words were for you
Even if you never knew.
At the time I thought they were true.
Marry you, yes I thought I wanted too.
But see I often lose myself in women,
like my mother loses her house keys in her purse.
We are the same that way.
Always taking on too much and losing ourselves in the process.
But never will I ever be ashamed of losing my self to you.
Never be ashamed of how your freckles fell on your face like stars falling out of the sky.
See I tried to hold on to everything you ever touched
but that feather necklace felt more like a noose than
a declaration of your love.
A love that you traded for something tangible.
Something or should I say someone easily accessible
And I touched you in ways you know she never could
The words she spit out of her mouth were never as sweet mine
Never quite as good
And I swear
That there are still marks on your chest
From where I pressed
My fingertips roughly against your flesh to find my way back into your heart
Even if it was a mess
And I find
That no matter how many times I wash your jacket
Pieces of you still linger
Embedded in each and every stitch
And every time I put it on I am consumed by it
Like an ocean
I wish I could bring myself
To throw it out like I did the necklace
Like you did me
But id rather die letting your jacket drown me
Than hang myself with your noose like necklace from a tree
But id rather not corrupt an unsuspecting tree
With something like death
Lord knows that its branches have taken as many lives
As it’s very existence has given us breath
You made a fool of me
But a fool is something I will be
To get you to smile again
My wonder woman
My tree hugging farm girl
And my nothing