Who is She?

Well for starters

She isn’t exactly she.

She’s they.

V

I

C

T

O

R

I

A

8 letters

One word

Victoria

“What a gorgeous name”

Mom was right.

8 letters

Origins: Victorious

Unofficially representing class, style and grace

Victoria was born first.

8 letters,

V

I
C

T

O

R

I

A

,

Was too long they decided

So

Tori was born

T

O
R
I

4 letters

Quick

Easy

Short

To the point

The nickname that ruled them both

At first, They were twins.

Indecipherable

Not a difference to spot

Not physically

Not emotionally

So she hid them

She hid that “she” was actually “they”

Victoria pretended to be Tori,

And tori was herself.

Days, months, years

And they are struggling

Victoria is present once a year,

During roll call on the first day of school

Annually

Right before tori says

“I prefer to be called tori”

Meanwhile, Tori is flourishing

Full of life and joy,

Everyone wants to be around her

Funny,cool,pretty

Elementary school is her place to shine

Victoria doesn’t want to be tori anymore.

But no one wants Victoria.

8 letters are diminishing.

Falling away.

Victoria is dieing

Next year,

Mom changes her name

At the administrative office

“Tori”

No more roll call

No more 8 letters

Class is gone

Style has left

V
I
C
T
O
R
I
A

Is dead

Tori doesn’t mourn

Days, months, years

4 letters

T

O

R

I

She feels it

A Deep

Empty

Lonely

sad

Hole

She is missing something

4 letters

“Where are V

I

C

And A?”

She asks

Feeling more alone than ever.

Tori has changed.

Cool

Funny

And popular

Has changed

Shes sad

Afraid

Alone

Days months years

Of being without those other 4 letters

Why was she needing them now?

Why did she suddenly miss them?

Why did she drive them away?

Why did she want her to leave?

Who is she?

She ponders the questions like a pen

Moving them up and down her skin

Twirling them in her fingers

tapping them on her desk

Writing with them over and over and over

Who

Am

I

?

Seconds, minutes, hours

Suddenly, shes crying.

Tears fall like raindrops

Heavy and painful as hail

The storm of question in her head pour onto her desk

Whispers of classmates pull her out of her daydream of depression

embarrassment washes over her

Seconds, minutes, hours

Shes home

But She is lost

4 letters plague her with confusion.

In her thought,

She accepts it

V

I

C

T

O

R

I

A

Is dead

Days

Months

Years

Mom is concerned

Dad is confused

She is lost

in her mind

in delusion

in madness

Victoria is gone

Tori is falling apart

Tori

Loses the will to live

Tori

Prays she wont wake in the morning

Tori

Drops out of school

Tori

No longer has a home to go to

Tori

Has no parents left to  talk to

Tori

Wasn’t tori anymore

Tori

Became

She

Everywhere she went,

She called herself she, her and me

 

Because Who

Is

she

Without Victoria?

Letters.

Days

Months

Years

Time

Thought

And delusion

Are a blur

 

Shes on the edge now

She peers down at the crowded city

And streets alive with electricity and buzz

She sobs

Her tears heavy and black

She rocks on her heels

Then slips to the ground below.

In what she thinks are the final moments of her life

She sees victoria

Her distorted images coming in a ray of white light

Her hand reaches down

And touches hers

Though they told her this wasn’t real later in the hospital

She never felt something so true

So real

In her entire life

Days, months, years

Therapy

Counseling

Rehabilitation

Medications prescribed

Hallucinations end

Delusions subside

Tori feels this is the start of her new life

She is changed

Like a flower

Shes blossoming

Days, months, years

Much counseling later

She stops calling herself “she” “her” and “me”

She is Tori

Tori discovers the shred that is Victoria

Small but definitely alive

Every day

She watered victoria
With love and affection and support

And she grew

And grew

And grew

…