A 365 day orbit

It all started with too many tears over a boy who shouldn’t have had control over my life

 

I wasn’t the only one in tears

So I decided to help another lost soul

 

Wrong.

 

His toxicity spread through my veins forcing my body to shut down

For a whole month I felt nothing

I was an empty vase waiting to be shattered

 

Despite everything I found a new family to care for me

They polished me up

I wasn’t shining

But I was no longer a damaged dusty dingy vase

 

Eventually it was time to say goodbye

To everything and everyone I had ever known

With a purple cap on my head and an empty case in my hand I looked at everyone around me

After that day I would never see some of them ever again

I thought it’d be sad

It ended up being a relief

 

A handsome face and bad feelings pushed aside

Smiles and laughs covering for the manipulation that flowed underneath

Ending in the worst form of betrayal

Infidelity

 

A month of late night searches

Every drive led nowhere

Keep driving and regret everything

Despicable crimes I didn’t mean to commit

A plea for forgiveness

Forgiveness that I would never accept

 

New doors, New faces, New beginnings

Everything is different but it all feels right

One hundred choices to make everyday

But in each moment I can only choose one

 

Wrong?

 

Nights with boring people and I feel as if I cannot breathe

One person like me and I feel liberated

 

Kind words and my closed heart opens up again

Everyone notices the smile on my face

It had been 365 days since they last saw it

Things change

I’m overwhelmed with uncertainty

 

It all ends with too many tears over a boy who shouldn’t have controlled my life.

 

Three hundred and sixty five days and it all came full circle

Yet I am not the same person as I was before

This poem is about: 
Me

Comments

Need to talk?

If you ever need help or support, we trust CrisisTextline.org for people dealing with depression. Text HOME to 741741