And fortunately, I like being me.
I love myself, my immediate and little family of three.
Did I feel this way... at 21?
Was I ALREADY having this much fun?
Or... was I... actually... numb?
Was I blind.. and depressed?
Were my emotions suppressed, was I extremely distressed...?
Pulling out my hair, uncomfortable in clothes AND undressed?
Think about the big one eight...
Was it THEN that I really felt the self hate?
Or was it then that I let myself FEEL the disgrace?
Well how did I feel at age ONE FIVE?
Was I then... as alive?
As alive as any new mom, except...
I would hide... and I would cry...
I loved my new baby, he saved my life!
But lessons I learned as a teen mom... REALLY hurt my pride.
Well what about 12?
Then... was I happy with myself?
Or was that the age I first cried for help?
The start of hidden VISIBLE injuries inflicted on self.
The gateway to the self introductory to hell...
How about when I was 9?
Was I hopefully then feeling alright?
You'd think at that age I'd be doing just fine.
You'd think that I'd be HAPPILY inclined.
Or was the damage already done from when I was 5?
So with all this darkness, why's it so GREAT to be me?
Doesn't sound as good as you thought it would be?
Well people usually go through a LOT before they can truly be free...
So keep your chin up, keep pushing and you'll see...
I don't feel great because I'm now 23...
I feel great because I'm so PROUD of how strong I can be.
And THAT is why I love being me.
Some people dont realize how strong you can be just from living your life...
Getting through obstacles, struggles, trauma AND strife.
And STILL seeing all the good that's inside.
Because it might be a lot of pain...
but there's still wonderfully magical moments in the dark...
and they light up so BRIGHT.
If EVERY moment was as vibrant we wouldn't appreciate the light.
Need to talk?
If you ever need help or support, we trust CrisisTextline.org for people dealing with depression. Text HOME to 741741