When people look at me they see
The oh so loving, witty, outgoing,
Vibrant, and always positive Mariama
I am a carefree spirit.
I do what I want
I am fun to be around.
I don’t care what others think about me.
I am always smiling
I am always happy
My roommate usually says, “Mariama, you are the nicest person I know”
Why do I not think all this is true?
Because I know the truth
I am like this because I have to be
It’s a survival skill
One I learned a long time ago.
How am I supposed to tell the world that I am not always happy?
That deep inside my heart, I am sad
How do I let them know I really do care about what others think of me?
How am I supposed to let people know that I am not positive, internally?
That I am always prepared for the worst to happen
How am I going to tell everyone that I could be just as selfish as anyone else?
How will I let them know that I am not as carefree as I seem?
That it is all just an act
How will I let them know that my feelings get as easily affected,
Just like anyone else
I have lived like this my entire life
I would not know what to do with myself if I suddenly stopped.