I communed with God one evening when the world was blackened still

I called upon the light and life as if I was young again

I pretended He could hear me though I did not feel Him there

I prayed for sweet release from this life like a façade

 

There was no answer and I assumed it was because of me

But then I reasoned, perhaps it’s because I am not really free

And so I wrote a final note to those I’ve loved and served

I resolved what debts I owed to them and tried to choose the next road

 

I knelt back down and asked again for Him to take my life

I’d felt that I was finished here, I’d felt that I could go

Then suddenly my prayers were heard, all the ones I’d gave that day

My thoughts were cleared and I entered the life I was throwing away

 

I felt the love of God begin to slip out of my hands

I stopped mid-cry and paused agape as Hell covered all land

I stumbled in my desires as I realized I was right

I was not worthy to join my Lord and God, not worthy to join His fight

 

I was wrong in many ways and yet I was right in all but one

That this is what I wanted, a prize I had not won

If now my wish was granted I would never earn His light

And so my sentence stuttered, and I was granted sight

 

I tried to reconvene myself as if I was my God

That I deserved to live on high and ought to pray this hard

And yet I felt that if I asked, it would not be in vain

For the first time in my century, I could have life taken away

 

Is this what I wanted? Is this what I said?

Is death the sweet release I need? Is my life better dead?

 

I had not doubted before this time, I had felt it was all right

Yet now, I trembled before my God, I had been granted His sight

 

Fine, I said, I’ll trudge along

I’ll see what can be done

I’ll try to fix my broken ways

I’ll try to save someone

 

I communed with God one evening when the world was black and still

I prayed for sweet simplicity… But life was simpler still