“Because I love you,&

“Because I love you,” you always say to meBecause you love me you can control my lifeAnd because I can't love myself I let youYou've got my self-esteem going rock bottomLike the bottom of my shoesExcept I can't feel it in the soles of my feetIn my soul, I'm no longer a wholeJust pieces that used to fit togetherTightly wound by a noose labeled “because… I love you”And because you love me, that's all I should needI no longer want to be with you, but I need toBecause if I weren't it'd be because you didn't love meI'll sacrifice my hours and friends and I’ll say “I love you” a million times before it chokes me to death Like how your fingers wrapped around my throat that nightTo stop the tender voice in which you called your songbird from escaping its cageI no longer have a voice, but it's because you love me… right? Because of this love I hold so dear for I allowed you to cage your little song birdBecause you were just trying to protect me righBecause you love me too? (LoveWhat even is love?Is it a chain that holds me captive?Like the chain prints you leave on my skin when I say the wrong thing?Is it a cage?Like this cage of oppression that leads to my depression?I used to sing you songs of joy but now I sing with my two twin forces, pain and submission (red?)Because that's all I've gotten from you more pain and sadness to the point where I've had to SUBMIT my entire self to you just to make myself happyAm I happy?It doesn't matter because I don't matter Right?) Your “love” is what what gave me the purple in my eyes that others see as smoky Your “love” is what gave me the rouge tint in my cheeks that others see as blushAnd your love is what others saw on my body, not in my heart or my soul but on my skinLove isn't physicalIt's not tangibleIt's not mixed with other emotionsYou know it's funny how much I've had to change just for your “love”  I hid my face from my friends who you hateI changed my clothes you deemed indecent, and I've stopped interacting with the outside world like you've asked me to. This is my life now and I can't help but wonder is this what love really is?Is love bruises all over my body? Is love a partner controlling my life? Love is stereotypically so hopeful but for me it is so brutally dark. Is love really a fairy tail or a death match?  In an instant You oppress my spirit You hit& spitIn an instant My wrist are slitOnce again I enter this ringWithout gloves to fight backIn an instant you cause me pain Over& over againYou box me to deathCornering me with your words, lies, and punchesYou knock me out into anxiety Because of your weakness you leave me sleepless But I'm done being silentDone with your damageDone with the familiar ambulance No more will I be subject of oppressionDepression will invade me no moreFor I am precious goldAnd will no longer be told that I am unworthy of love And this determination you will never get rid ofSo take your gloves off I'm now prepared for the fight even though I used to hide away from sight away from the light  You drowned me in a tsunami of doubt, but eventually I washed up on the shoreAnd before I hung myself up to dryI realized I would never see God when I dieSo amidst the tidal waves and broken sea shells, I searched for something newI found my strength and realized something greater than never seeing God in youI realized that I love myself more than you ever can or willAnd I may not be anyone's hero except my ownBut because I love myself, I'll award me my own Purple HeartBecause I know that I've been more than just black and blue And I'll still be emotionally bruised long after youBut now you hold no meaning, just a piece of gum beneath my shoeFind love within yourselfNourish your bodyCare for your healthBecause I am deserving of loveLove that entails more than just obligationI've found my true love I'm in love with myself And not with some idea fed by someone elseBecause that's how they trap you within this thoughtThat everything is okay even though you know it's not“It's all because I love you”How about because I love myselfNow I'm through and done with youSorry but I'm going somewhere elseTo better places, I'm out of the cycleI'm breaking the chain that shackles my freedomI'm breaking the chain 

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