How is it that I am still alive?

How is it that today I am awake

and maintaining hope that things will get better

when I can feel myself spiraling out of control?

There have been days...

when I wish I could fall asleep

to never wake up from what few pleasant dreams I have.

when I wish I could disappear

just to see if anybody truely cares

or if I would go unmissed.

when I wish I could take away all of my problems

end the constant fear and sadness that I fell.

There have been days when I wish I never existed.

 

How is it I stay alive with all that goes on in my head?

When I wish I am dead?

I realize that life isn't all bad...

as I count the stars in the sky

with wonder of their existance.

as I am warmly greeted by friends old and new

asking how I am.

as I see the family who holds me tight

the days I have shattered into tears.

as I watch the waves crash upon the beach

in the glimmering light of the moon.

as I count my blessings

and hold tight onto what little hope I have left.

 

So how do I survive?

The world is a cold palce to be,

when you are alone

in a battle that you can't fight.

But in the end giving up

means that there is no chance

to grow and strengthen

to fight once again

in hopes that on day

maybe one day 

I can win.