If I could I would tell my mom of my past.

I would tell her of the man who took my innocence from me when I was in a haze of an unfamiliar pain known as depression

I would tell my mom how the thought of suicide had plagued my mind since I was twelve

I would tell her how I was called sally in high school because my body was full of marks

I would tell her how I only believed my only positive aspect of me was my body and how it could service others

How I believed all I was meant to be was a man's toy

I would also tell her that the summer of living with her began reshaping my mind

I would tell her how her showing me that she broke away from a broken amrriage put strength in me

I would tell her she is the reason I chose my new career field.

She is the reason I broke away from a toxic relationship that almost turned into marriage

I would tell her how I stupidly realized moments too late that becoming her was my biggest compliment

I would apologize for the pain i caused her

I would apologize for letting my depression and anxiety get in the way of seeing her because I couldnt handle seeing her in that state

I would tell her that I learned moments too late that she taught me I am worth more than my body

I would tell her she is the reason I am growing and loving myself

That her memory lives strong in me.

I may not be a perfect person

But I found the perfect reason to change who I used to be

She is my reason

So if I could. 

I would tell my mother my dark history, I would thank her for teaching me self love. Even if it hurts in the beginning is important

I would tell her I love her and that I am thankful for all of her lessons