i was that girl who had no hope

who was a prisoner in my own mind

trapped by saddening thoughts

swallowed by inner insecurities

poisoned by nefarious demons

all waiting to be released.

 

i was that girl who believed in you

who trusted you'd be the one to change me

gave you my wounded throbbing heart

let you love my healing scars 

welcomed you into my self-destructive mind

while waiting to be put back together.

 

i was that girl who was foolishly gullible

who believed that i was desired by few

allowed myself to be touched by bloody hands

scarred by pleasure seeking bastards

believed i was the only one wanted

as i was waiting to be snapped into reality.

 

i was that girl who was full of mistakes

who was the definition of a failure

destroyed everything that offered pure affection

ruined all innocence and happiness

derided myself into a pile of shame

all while waiting to be saved by you

only to be destroyed by me.

 

i still am that self-destructive girl 

who has lost myself in the whirlpool of thoughts

suffocated myself with cries for help

scarred the flesh of my humiliating body

believed that i was unworthy of all good things

while waiting for that moment of change

a moment that had never come to me

lost myself in the pity of mass destruction

i was murderer, killed every dream of happiness

it's who i have ended up to be.

 

(g.f.)