No one tells autistic girls their stims are beautiful
No one tells autistic girls their flailing hands or flat affects are beautiful
Flat faces, measured paces,
they call it mastrubation but it is a whole different kind of stimulation
and they don't think autistic girls are built to get it off and they don't think autistic girls are built to get it off their chests so

Quiet hands!
and
No one cares!

mean that no one wants to learn our language so we have to learn theirs step by brutal step

until our hands are velcroed to our pockets when our skinny jeans are pocketless

and our tongues only untie to be polite

This autistic girl has a gorgeous beak on her face and an unkempt mane of feathers and dandruff from scratching her scalp

They don't think autistic girls can look this good and they don't think autistic girls can look this good without makeup because they don't think autistic girls can wear makeup

and this autistic girl can't wear makeup

And this autistic girl can't walk through department stores because she'll drown in perfume and mucous
because this autistic girl isn't sure why her inhaler isn't in her bag didn't she just put it in a week ago?

This autistic girl does not smell like acetone and flowers
she smells like acryllics and her service dog or she would if she could just get the vest on him

This autistic girl cut off her ponytail because it bounced against the nape of her neck and it made it hard to focus on the sound of "Descartes says" and "Freud says" and

"One Two Three Listen To Me"

the last of which she wished she couldn't listen to

and it makes it hard to remember that crocodiles don't really cry and no one really goes over the moon because no direction is "up" in space and when people say "hold on" they mean to your tongue not to the rail and not to their arm.

No one tells autistic girls their senses are intense and strong and worthy of respect

No one tells autistic girls unless autistic girls tell autistic girls and this autistic girl wants to start with herself because this autistic girl forgets

how to speak
how to smile
how to respect her own needs

because this autistic girl's been told to speak but only this way
and smile but because someone told her to
and respect the desires of strangers and acquaintences but not her own needs
her own needs aren't needs
no one needs to touch their hair as much as she does

This autistic girl has a perfect crooked nose and a perfect mane in need of a trim and a perfect set of calloused feet and veiny hands

This autistic girl's rolling wrists and clucking tongue and loud loud loud hands are sexy

This autistic girl's abrupt silence and unfocused eyes are indicative of epithany and attention and she knows exactly what you just called her because her ears work best when her eyes and mouth are quiet

This autistic girl's smile widens with fear and fades with joy because she's allowing herself to relax for once
and this autistic girl deserves to relax after a long day of not quite passing

This autistic girl's pauses and stammers and tick tick ticks are as sure as a metronome's clucking like the clucking of her tongue
 my tongue

I will seize pride and self love when I roll my wrists and cluck my tongue

Because I may not be perfect but I am not a defect

So build me up and take pride in me

or else

I'll do it myself and I will make my perfection my newest stim
and it will be the loudest.