toxic
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Walking down the block
It's like any other day really
They say "Don't worry bout the guys strolling there"
"They don't do shit"
They say
“when something is too good to be true, it usually is”
How sad, that i use this in regards to you.
Looking down over the edge, trying to make a not make a tough decision,
Trying to remind myself there there is more too life than this vision.
The thoughts in my head are not true,
Void and uninterested
Disgusted and enraged
i wish not
to soothe your pain
to be used
for your selfish gain
securing your name
as you break me down again
This isnt your average love poem
i dont want to compare your eyes to the stars or the moon
i want to compare them to the eyes of a killer
ready to strike at my weakest moment
I've had friends
Invisible, and solid
Some, and then none
One, and only one,
Some who loved to please me
While others dared to deceive me
Those who've looked into my eyes and lied
We were inseperable,
You and me.
2 years was the only thing between us.
Through tears and loss, as long as we had eachother, we had the world.
Though the selfishness of hate and greed consumed you,
The one that comes after you will be trustworthy
He will be honest with me
But I won’t believe him because
I won’t understand it
So a thunderstorm
A really ugly fight
Four days of not talking
Maybe just another break
But we know that a break isn’t a break
Adrenaline boiling in my veins like hot molten hot lava or acid rain.
Once the seasons change and the heart heals, nothing will ever be the same.
How do I believe that or whole relationship was fake?
An act to get close to me, never give, only take.
I’ve done the research, such much sounds shockingly familiar.
Words described you to a tee, seems clear, yet unclear.
There is a sickness within Us, that gained control of Us. Took the lives of the best of Us, introducing Us to the worse in Us, destroying the trust we had between Us.
How, why, what, is this real, for real.
This wasnt apart of the deal.
For you I would rob, steal, even kill at will.
I want to get off this ride, going in circles like a ferris wheel.
I've lost my position as Queen at the throne.
My king, my life, my home, all slipping away, gone.
Your loss, due to the fuck shit you be on.
Soon I will sit in emptiness, be isolated and alone.
All the expectations and love for you
Shattered and annihilated in a moment or two
Building the castles in air, I was
Pursuing you, was my biggest loss
Deep in your self, I have lost mine
There are hours of the night when time stands still. Most of these hours lead to the gray light of dawn, the sudden realization that a new day has come to wear still more on my patience.
I would rather hate you then love the idea of you.
That's the world I've been inhabiting for the last few months.
My stream has emptied into the sea of your emotions,
and I am tossed around in the malestrom of your moods.
I take drugs to feel good, boy.You lie like a liar should, boy.I don't trust, but who would, boy,after all I've been through?
Oh my Love
how it is you try & do love me
how you get & desire to be so close
Oh my Love
how that desire
will get you crushed
Can we pick up these memories after they've fallen to the floor,
can they be placed back on the shelves just like they were?
you hate to see the scuff marks but I think it gives it character-
it’s okay to talk about things
it’s okay to speak
i’m begging you
to wear your heart
on your sleeve
and your tongue
it’s easy to be lonely
in the lights of this city
wondering why you can never look me in the eyes
when you tell me that im pretty
“i never knew a mind could be so dark”
well i, i have never known a mind so light
flower petal eyelashes
flower garden you
growth sprouting from your palms
the white of my body
more snow than skin
ice cold to the touch
i know you think i’ll thaw
this ice age has no end
my fire stopped burning
do you remember the fireworks
back then
when we hid behind purple walls
praying they wouldn’t see
the clouds of lavender smoke
that our passion
i drink to forget
so many things
i drink to forget
what you look like
what he looks like
what the inside of his car looked like
i’m all alone in this glass house
Swallowing jack under a pink sky
there’s blood on the driveway
keeping a knife in the pocket of my jeans
i’m all alone in this glass house
Swallowing jack under a pink sky
there’s blood on the driveway
keeping a knife in the pocket of my jeans
You took my paper-mache heart all fixed up with glue,
And showered it in your great tears of rue,
The tears, the tears became fountains of blue,
They puddled and puddled and slowly grew,
I am not going to write about you.
I am not going to write about him.
I am not going to write about it.
I am not going to write about me.
I want to write about the world.
I want to write about changes.
Jinx knew she was in trouble when she saw his name flash across her screen.
He, the almightly nail-painter, combat-boot-wearer, bipolar feelings-fucker,
he needed her.
I mean, she was assuming that's what this was about.
Cause things got so much harder on the west coast.
When i moved here i realised i needed you most.
One week i had a lover, the next, a ghost.
he could grip his hands around my throar, and push down until
oxgen
was nothing, but a far away dream,
and still
all he would have to do is say its this, or you'll never feel my lips again
In my dreams, I run my long, thin fingers through your caramel colored hair.
The prettiest shade there is.
And, I laugh because my words come out perfectly.
They come out so perfect that my tongue rolls and words slip.
You hold my hands
Wrap the gauze around my bruised knuckles,
Whisper me pieces of words
For my mind to create
Into stained-glass portraits.
I remember the day you left like it was yesterday.
It played in my mind on repeat
Like some malfunctioning CD
She didn't deserve to hurt
She didn't deserve all the pain she felt from
Friends, Family, Teachers
She didn't deserve to be tormented and ostricized
Because of some scars on her arms
i used to try on my father’s clothes
his attire never seemed to fit me,
in his eyes anyway.
i felt the emptiness in his
work shirt,
envying how it compared to my shoes.
leather and sole,
She painted her face the way she painted her body,
To cover the pain and tears he left behind.
~awatr
She didn’t know,
What would happen,
when he came to her life
She wasn’t aware
That she slowly changed,
to another person for him
From all the chaos outside..
I seek peace inside..
For all the judgement mongers..
I leave you there and here I slumber..
For all the negativity around..
I put on a positive sound..
I open my mind's lid like the drawer of a filing cabinet.
It is the place where thoughts, dreams, and memories thrive.
Letters of knowledge organized just like books in a library.
You've always compared me to a rose and I never quite understood why. Is it because I'm pretty? Or is it because I have thorns? Is it because, if you get too close you'll hurt yourself?
Dancing on the floor
Singing cheerful songs
The world rotates for each movement that is made
Stained in vibrant hue are the lights that illuminate the room
Stare into the outside
Neon lights and street signs
She holds me
It’s gonna be alright
She said, but she fades
Moonlight turns away
I went on the Internet to find Tumblr,
I swear I've heard of this from somewhere.
I surfed through blogs 'n posts,
nothing about Space Ghost.
All I just found was:
What is that look when you see me in public?
You give me this look of loathing
Chills me to the bone.
What is that look when you see me in private?
What is the boundary of freedom?
Whatever you discribe it as-
it never fits its definition.
For we know no freedom.
Only the lack of.
No matter your location,
we all have the same amount of freedom-
Hey, what’s your name?
I’m so charming, i’ll leave a bad taste in your mouth. But don’t put me to blame.
I’m the perfect fit for you.
Peer pressure something everyone deals with... right? But in some ways, it was more drastic for me... Does it make you feel better getting a look at my bare skin? Soft, smooth with many insecurities.
Him. I imagined him.
He held me. How nice it was.
His kiss was power.
His flaws belonged to me.
His losses drained me.
I lost a part of who I was.
I became cold and rigid.
I began to doubt.
Meeting eyes with you was like staring at a picture that has been hung in the living room my whole life.
You were so familiar, yet you never failed to catch my attention.
Instead of giving me a necklace
Made up of his hands
We sit in his Grand Cherokee
And listen to our favorite bands
Dear Adrian,
Yet again you have taken my thoughts and left me with nothing but you.
You have corrupted me with your intrusion but blessed me with your presence.
Dear Lover,
I am not a puppy or a little plaything you can choose because you think I am cute,
I am not a creature you can punish for not behaving how you would like me to,
We had no plans and began to drive
Into the small town that had tried to hide
From a paper map, hung on the wall
it would seem to be fields that only stretch on
It was your toxic love that made me grow
It was your toxic love that showed me the warmth hidden in winter
And the chills from the summer
It was your toxic love that made my tears break free
And your empty words
Acting okay.
Asking for forgiveness,
Always pretending.
Broken heart.
Bridges burnt.
Baby, wait please.
Crying for hours.
Cutting off everyone.
Can you ever forgive me?
To you,
You know who you are,
so dare I write your name? Dare I continue writing?
I dare because that is what you taught me to do.
“Dream on, dream big, never be subpar,”
Dear Jake,
My relationship with you was
a plant, a flower,
it bloomed like a rose.
Beautiful from afar,
but if I got too close,
held on a little too tight,
"you still kick it in the slums ?
you still sell drugs ?
you still like to party ?
you still binge n get fucked up ?"
Some days
I grow stronger
and say
”I don’t need him”
other days
i grow weak
and wish
to talk to him
a monster of
pure anger
wants to somehow
destroy him
indigestible being
that was the lesson--
you had to leave
they needed to
let you go
even though you thought of youself
as sweet
remember,
you too, were poison.
Dear Sun,
In the twilight of my days, nostalgia rolls over me in waves
Admiring the past through rose-tinted lenses
Overlooking that the past disappointed when I lived it
Today, my mother brought home my antidepressants,
I've never been prescribed pills for my emotional state,
I've self-medicated for years with magick and self-harm.
Today, my mother brought me her diagnosis.
I try to love you,
But I can’t.
I try to accept you,
But it is impossible.
They’ve told me to caress you,
But I only have blades.
They’ve told me to take care of you,
Because I am not who you want me to beYou criticize, chastise, and punish meCurse me to the end of the Earth,And throw your religion in my face.
You gripped my chin with cold pallid fingers forced my mouth open and poured your poison inside of me. It traveled down my veins and you turned around with a frown on your face.
you insisted every masterpiece had a signituture as you relentlesely carved your name into my skin with blood running down your knuckles. "you're mine" may be music to the ears of a lover but there was nothing romantic about how prisoner
How can the one who makes my heart flutter
Turn his table, and my whole world,
in one
FOUL
swoop?
You make my stars shine,
but baby right now my heart is falling out of my chest;
words grip me into a choking hold
as i grasp for air
from your overbearing love
that tighten my vocal chords
i ask for you to leave
It consumes you and becomes what you are now.
Love is when you hold me dearly to your chest.
(You’d do so if you loved me as much as I do you).
I'm sorry I woke you
You used to say I could.
You crossed your fingers, nodded your head, like I knew you always would.
You whisper sweet words of decit, as you look into my eyes
It’s because I love you,
That I would make you cry.
And that’s why
I’m your greatest ally.
It’s because I love you,
Drunk on old fashions, the wind takes a breath
And exhales all his anger through golden
Red leaves, falling to her pathetic wreath;
Hands bleached like old Bluebeard's, he's stuck within
Because I love you,
I’ll be your mirror, reflecting that gorgeous light that you shine when you can’t see it.
Because I love you,
Because I love you,
I’ll be your mirror, reflecting that gorgeous light that you shine when you can’t see it.
Because I love you,
Everyone says “Look for red flags”For the “Let me see your phone”For the “I told you not to talk to him”For the “I yell because I love you”
I'm another casualty to the weapon of love.
The trigger pulled by joined hands.
Claims of compassion suffocating my every breath,
Nearly as strong as the words of manipulation.
"You're my everything"
Loving you was like grasping oil
Always treated you like you were royal
Only to have you slip out of my fingertips.
Loving you had me inhaling flames
Didn't know who to blame
Leaf falling down a tree
A whole life attached to a native bough
Clingstone to freestone, pinnate to palmate,
Persistent untill the wind sets it free,
Far from crown it goes now
Hate's leaf scar on its state
Because I love you,
I leave the lights on for you,
Even when I know you won't come home.
I have so much love to give, but it's always been given out in wrong ways.
It was always something so flawless until it changes, and then it slips away.
At times you remind me of a glistening sunset and other times a raging storm, you drive me absolutely insane in the best and worst ways.
Nothing could break us apart.
We'd been friends for ten years.
I never knew a friendship could hurt,
but it did, more than anything.
Your words twisted in my head
i wish i could stop writing about you
maybe one day i'll run out of words to say
and my pen will run dry
GLACIERS
Blue veins run up her fingersjust like those blue coalsthat run up her cigarettes
and like the glaciers that yearn to breakfree from one anotheralong the coast of some frozen country
I realize now that you are a toxin in my air That I love the way your fingers get caught in my hair That you are a gallery of art But you also hold a switchblade close to my heart Please don't scream because it's not over I was never good with tea
I must say that love is a disease
it can bring us to our highest so fast
but destroy us all with ease
And after that, not even a second do we last
I am
Exhausted.
Sleepy to my
Very core.
Worn out.
Hollow.
Point or pointless?
Friends:
Pros and cons?
Love, comfort, joy.
Worry, pain, lies.
Escape is easy,
You were once so beautiful,
We were once so close
But this is not who i once loved
And is instead a tortured ghost
Just a shell that's been cracked
And on the verge of perish
You are toxic
You are poison to the people around you
You are manipulative and twisted and sinister
You do not feel
You love with your mind, not your heart
You are cold and calculating,
They are imbued in doubt
and therefore can never be certain
Their hearts long in the past
and therefore cannot embrace the present
Their fears are caged inside
and therefore will never be free
he's a man
but really
he's sarcasm
lanky, underfed, patched whole with drugs.
he scares away crows but he doesn't
scare me. I'll pay for this later.
but sunsets sitting in a haze of
I've had it up to here with relationships gone south
I can no longer stay, you're a toxic taste in my mouth
If you put in for me all I had put in for you
I wouldn't be here, I'd still love you too
The aquatic garden, when seen from space, is vast, mystical, and blue
It has many unique, sea creatures living in it too
Some burrow, some float, some dart from side to side
A sphere of life, constantly force fed
From the world, into the womb
Ignorance has polluted the innocence
Gravid host poisons the unborn
Toxins consumed, enter the abyss
The truths have yet to be revealed
When one violin stands alone
If it can’t play a chord,
Then the string is plucked
Until it breaks
Snap
The room is always dim,
aside from the fog of creeping
cancer,
and over-priced incense.
It bounces,
it swirls,
among the sad lamps (barely holding on),
seeps from under locked
doors.
Tears turn on like a broken faucet, droplets splashing on my hands and in my hair.
He hasn't come home yet.
His absence is fresh in the minds of his loved ones and all left with almost no more emotions to bear.
Pretty little liar,
in your pretty little attire,
looking stressed and hot wired,
we see through all your games.
You....
My toxic love drug you are
My stronghold
My foundation
My everything
What would I do without you?
Your love is so unconditional and immaculately immaculate
It drives me insane
