sexual assault
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If people only knew the pain I carried
Or even the thoughts I hold
I feel as if I should be buried
I hate how it was never foretold
I thought I was invincible.
But he ended up destroying me.
I watch you fade away
begging him to stay
I watch you wait for him
you almost fall off the limb
but
I catch you
like I always do
He hurt us when we were six
I hate myself
I think jesus hates me too
I’ve taken a bite of the forbidden fruit and it tastes like blood
Maybe I’ve just been holding my tongue too long
I’m a whore who turned her back on the church
The vivid light
blinded my eyes
as I was reminded
of his deleterious touch
that lingered within my soul.
I struggled
The vivid light
blinded my eyes
as I was reminded
of his deleterious touch
that lingered within my soul.
I struggled
I am a gift of aphroditie the goddess of love,beauty and pleaser
yet i have the caurse of heartbreak, and unpleasable
I am blessed by medusa the holy woman of wisdom and battle
if your reading this taven williams aka the man that ruined me
id like to tell you that im not fucking afrad of a dumb little boy
my body is mine and you have no afect on me anymore you retarted basterd
i was 8 maybe 9
he was my best friend
youve herad it before
the child trusts the boy
the boy starts out good
he cared
i like that
the called me cute
i bushed
he groped me
im done hiding in my home from you
im done thinking im yours
im done thinking that my body isnt my own
and im done being silent about you
We used to be close
You were like my best friend
But sadly that came to an end.
You said let's play
You locked the door,
To hide us away,
You were younger than me
But we were the same age,
You made me feel gross
You think I don't remember
But what you don't know
Is that I will live with this pain forever
On my body I make cuts
Cuts to carve away at parts that feel
Clothes eat away at my skin.Clothes push and pull me in.My body is screaming at me no.But I just can’t let it go.The scars of your touch leave me hauntedAs that scared little girl cowered awayI step in and stop your misdeedsGet your hands away fro
Collection of cinquain poems that can be read individually or in consecutive order
Why me?
My young soft skin
Innocence stripped from me
Here I am again,
Curled up and bloodied
-
Snarl held tight,
About to rubber-band snap
At the first thing to come close
-
I can feel the panic
Lightning up my spine
-
I don't know why I keep writing to you
Like I'm sending letters to someone in prison
-
As if you were the one who's been trapped
Ever since that day
-
They say that justice brings peace,
Stumbling through the rape
Over and again
I'm stunned by your lack of humanity
Your lack of feeling
My lack of numbness
Your embracing it
I don't understand how you could do that
I've always been the kind of person
To dig a splinter out,
With my teeth, if I have to-
Instead of soaking it in water
And waiting for it came out on it's own.
-
Even if it made the pain worse at first,
The things I lost
Are vast.
Difficult to name,
Harder to think about
Without anger bubbling up the well in my chest
-
Whole years are smoke.
Memories, good and bad,
Swirling into empty space,
A boy raped me
Told me it was my fault
Whose alter do I run to when he ran through me like a crosswalk
My defense
Senseless
Derivative of my fences
Barbedwire to make the top higher
Friday night, first week of May, you brought me here like a child. Hungry for new experiences. A new world. Scared that that world might not accept him as he is. Nervous.That night we drank, we danced, we laughed, and we kissed….
Sometimes I can't help but fantasize
About finding myself in the dark with you again
But not the way it was
-
In my mind, I'm anything but afraid
-
Like practice, I strategize
That night, my hands were not my own.
My mind- I was not home.
I did not caress, I did not cry.
You did what I was told.
I wanted it all to explode.
I wanted it all to burn at my feet.
hot summer sunrays
a flower growing between cracked cement
behind an abandoned house
after the animal activist event
he ravaged my body
and took my innocence
only sixteen,
Begging with your strong fingertips
You grasped into my vacant soul
For dear life
Your eyes screamed for my body
A stare so heavily
It burnt the clothes off my body
Reckless, you left my heart
Oh my God it's finally happening
What I've always wanted for what feels like forever
And with YOU no less
My first real male crush
And aren't you beautiful?
Colombian, beautiful sleek, soft black hair
I saw the trademark on your face the true evil grin and eyes of sin violence covered her body in lace disappeared without a trace I saw the pity the and sorrow on your face Never getting out alive you say how pretty I am with fear imprinted and fr
I ache. I cry. I weep like the flowers during a storm when they feel like they’re drowning. I feel like I lost something. A part of me. You stole my purity that I can never get back.
The arousal between my legs is faint
I smell his fragrant sweat in which he has begun to taint
My integrity diminshes
with the thrust of his hips
the invasivity of my mind
I can still feel his breath
on the back of my neck
just as humid, unwanted,
as it was
on yours.
The look in his starving eyes
I don't want to carry this with me anymore
-
I want my body to die and take this trauma with it
-
Bury us in a shallow grave to rot away,
Until mold and insects and scavengers
You're like smoke.
-
Shapeless, or just too many shapes to settle on anything real, anything solid.
-
If I make myself look, I can see you- a looming, dark, mass always present in the corner of my thoughts
-
“You owe it to me”
He says, with a genuine tone
“Come with me girl
Keep me company
Don’t you leave me all alone”
“No”
“You’re nothing but a dirty, nasty female”
His words rang in my ear
Rang in the air
The venom in his tone flooded the classroom
You tell me I'm too young
Too young to date
Too young to swear around
As if hearing the word fuck would trigger a panic attack
As if I don't know what the real world is like
Rape Culture
I was raped.
He took it all away.
And what could Athena do?
I do not blame her. She gave me power.
They all ask,
so go ahead.
She always knows it's coming.
"How does it feel?"
It's always snickered,
under breath.
Like the brittle bones of their cowardice
Phorcys and Ceto, two siblings so close,
They birthed three healthy gorgons out of passionate throes.
Two of the girls had interests that align,
my hair used to be my most prized possession
(so i cut it shoulder-length and dyed it black)
as were my dignity and worth, but right now
When we have gone through something traumatic like a guy trying to get in our pants when we are not wanting it
Or we are assaulted or in an abusive relationship
When I walk at night night I walk alone.
Nothing to to distract me from my inner thoughts.
No one to disturb my inner pease.
No cars to watch me struggle with him.
How could i have been assaulted again?
I must have asked for it
I was leading him on anyway
When I was 9, my parents separated, to be divorced 4 years later after strung out custody hearings and he said/she said bullshit in avoidance of signing one simple document.For the entire month of May that year, I did not see my mother.
How did I know I was no longer a child?
I knew moment he grabbed me.
His hand touched my body without my consent
and I knew I was a woman.
I knew he thought me an object
something to be used
where to start
where to place the blame
where did i stop being a kid
maybe it was when my fifth grade teacher told me
i couldnt wear shorts skirts because the boys would look,
no means no
telling you to get off and pulling away means no
not now means no
i dont want to means no
i dont feel like it means no
i want to go home means no
leave me alone means no
She falls apart often
she pretends it’s alright
But she goes back to that night
it wasn’t the first, it wasn’t the last
but it was the one that shattered her mask
she ignored the things from the past
I'll cut you off. It'll be easy.
Like a wart from flesh, though not as fresh,
I relish the day that you confess,
As I step on stage, wearing the very same dress,
I wore that day when you professed,
nobody saw the pain behind her smile
everyone assumed evrything was fine
they have no idea how wrong they were
while they looked away he was leaving bruises
some were emotional but most were physical
crying at night laughing by day
she was too weak to speak up
suffering through his abuse silently
listening to screaming feeling the punches
but one day he went too far
Monster, I used to love you
And you told me you loved me
You told me you loved learning about the stars
It's the shadow in my room at night,
it's the random bumps in the dark
that make my heart race and jump.
The creature in the dark room
that I dare not enter first,
The eyes on my back
I used to fear you
But now I dont want to
I won't bother being afraid
Because you will never hurt me again
I was small when you assaulted me
Too young to understand consent
I lie in bed every night,
The guilt seeps into my dreams,
Someday they'll catch you,
And I'll be waiting,
Gripping smoldering justice,
Like a loaded gun.
I'm eternally conflicted,
The demon will always be with me.
It used to control me,
Control what I did, who I talked to.
I could only talk to those who knew, others wouldn't understand.
But at the same time,
I couldn't tell anyone.
My eyes refused to shed tears.
I am told to keep my mouth closed and my statement to myself by the energies around me. You had my mouth taped closed and not once was I able to gasp for air.
Never expected his hands to grab there,
Invading my body that parasite,
His arm on my throat I could catch no air,
He would never hurt me he wouldn’t bite.
I was touched,
touched by a man of sin.
A man who continued to strip me apart
with no mercy.
He touched me.
It was as if he didn’t understand no.
I was touched,
touched by a man of sin.
A man who continued to strip me apart
with no mercy.
He touched me.
It was as if he didn’t understand no.
My lungs failed.
My mind fogged.
The tears stopped flowing,
For I was dead.
My heart ceased.
My body trembled.
I could no longer feel the rain,
For I was dead.
as he grabs my hips
when i just want to dance
he sways me back and forth
i rip off his hands
he rubs himself against me
as i say no.
he says "not a chance"
he proceeds to slap my ass
A useless flower on Valentine’s Day
Red to paint her lovers name as tainted as the love he gave
Roses have thorns but men have blades
He grabbed my wrists and cut my veins
The Picture Society Paints
Rape culture
It normalizes abuse
Objectification glamorizing assault
I love my rescue dog
A white chihuahua we found and ended up keeping
She’s so small and fat and and happy all the time
You don’t know how you plucked my heart like a rose and it skipped a beat as you
whispered the sweetness of sonnets.
by Ariel Douglas (2 June 2018)
I believed you
I trusted you
You broke me
You used me
You never loved me
You took my heart
Picture
Have to get his picture
don’t know his name
never seen him before today
He needs to be punished
They won’t put in the effort without a name
A young girl silenced by society-
Suffocated by the hands of oppression.
Punished for her body parts-
Or lack thereof.
Her potential escapes her-
You say I shouldn’t be afraid of Men;
Because when my first boyfriend raped me,
He obviously didn't mean it.
Please hold my hand until it's over.
I think you're obligated
because you know why I'm afraid.
I had no warning, but I'm not mad.
Just hold my hand for a minute please.
The fear washes over me like
You were my fellow soldier in a darkened city
and when we both got popped and dropped
and rolled over all bloody and gritty
and the cops came and asked everything
over sirens blaring: "what were you wearing"
Dear,
My mother’s ex-boyfriend of two years,
My biological father left when I was six
And ever since then, I've been looking for someone to fix
I am 12 years old
Im sitting in my sixth grade science class
During our health unit
And giggling with my friends
About the “magical” goings-on
My heart moves like a battalion riding into battle
I can feel every one of my muscles yelling at me
Like the other side of a frozen lake, coy fish straining in the water
1. Your eyes look like the ocean,
Full of wonder and mystery,
And inviting me in,
I had to take a swim.
2. Your veins ran like rivers down your forearms,
I know how it feels
To live in a house but sleep in the guest room,
Have to ask if you can eat this cereal, or that bread, or that milk,
You lay on your floor
wating
waiting
waiting for your phone to charge
It's dark
she's asleep at the foot of the bed
be quiet
I hang my hands over the edge of the bed
our fingers graze
To Luke,
If I ever spoke to you again, these would be my last words.
Do you know what it’s like to be robbed?
To the one who took my life from me:
The way my nightmares used to speak
I thought it would be in screams and in shouts.
Dear Father
I don’t call you “Dad”
Because I don’t feel you know me
The thought of opening up to you makes me want to flea
Wear the pins, the boutonnieres,
pretend like the person sitting next to you
hasn't profitted off working for a man
who told women he'd make their careers
if they just touched him, and then maybe more.
It's not the same, he says.
It's not worth the same fight,
it doesn't mean the same thing,
it doesn't hurt the same way.
Except every now and again I hear
a man yelling after me, I'm a bitch,
his arms burned my skin.
i can feel his wet lips against my skin.
he had branded me.
Oh, I'm screaming, screaming, screaming
And I feel it as my soul is teeming with this
Fear, this pain, this anger steaming
From my mind and my body where you touched me
Dear John,
You took advantage of a friend
I brushed it off at first but as they say
Boys will be boys
You grabbed me
I pushed away but as they say
i.
he carved his name into my bones
with claws under which
my flesh festered.
no matter how long
i leave my bones to rot,
He is a monster.His mouth widens to reveal three rows of teeth, and he is covered with blood.My blood.Even though he is hidden in the shadows, his pale skin shines through,Blinding me.When he walks into the light, his demon black eyes shift into a
Daddy, I’m scared.
There’s a monster under my bed.
And i hear his claws and his deep growl.
Daddy, I’m scared.
But you’re my brave knight!
Too close tooclosetooclose
Please don’t touch me
Oh god please don’t yell.
Too closetooclose. TOO LOUD. Too much.
When I was 10,
While brushing my teeth I noticed
my gums bleeding-
And my mother told me
That it was just bad blood leaving the body.
That I’m doing such a good job,
At respecting myself.
It’s approximately 11 A.M.I could sense that something was different, something was wrong.
Why didn't you fight back, they say.Why didn't you scream?Why didn't you run?You must have wanted it, they say.You must have secretly liked it.Otherwise, you would have fought
stop referring to my body as a temple because temples get desecrated and stolen from and i can’t lose anymore of myself. my roots are still reaching out to take back the things you’ve stolen from me.
i gave you a chance
and you took it
you made me feel beautiful
and wanted
for the first time in a long time
i craved your attention
i caught myself in a trap i had been in before
How does one describe it?
When someone they trusted
violates them?
It's too difficult for me to say...what it really is.
She took advantage of
the situation
and me, I guess.
He had red hair.
That's all I can really remember.
Glasses. A beard maybe?
He had rough hands.
I can still feel them on me.
A monotone voice that said odd things
softly
Eyes heavy, body trembling, nightmares vast. She's harassed by the forecast of the past. Demons disguised in the form of lovers Until she discovered their true colors. She was used and abused,
I am fifteen years old and I think I own the world.
I have a boyfriend and he loves me.
He yells at me but that is okay, he loves me.
He shoves me but that is okay, he loves me.
i cry and i get nostalgic
scrolling through old facebook photos
each click opens an old wound
every comment
a shatter of the heart
because i miss the girl i used to be.
Long hair and a smile
Does no still mean no if its accompanied by an "I dont"?
If it came out with a laugh dipped in liquor and exhilaration
But ended in a chuckle soaked in fear and discomfort?
Phone a friend to make sure I wasnt over reacting
Little Red made this trip as early as twelve.
Her baggy hood wasn't enough to cover up from the wolves
The feeling of shame, arising, the first time they noticed
that Little Red wasn't looking too Little... anymore.
Once upon a time, there was a white chihuahua
We found her and ended up keeping her
She’s so small and fat and happy all the time
She awakens to a jostle of her cage
Her small heart pounds against her ribs
It is dark but for a few rays of light, even so she cannot see
Everything is black, everything is dark
He was always a sucker for a pretty face
They're always a sucker for a pretty face
He took me to a place and fed me full
of liquor and drugs
He watched as I got sick on myself
He got me a glass of water
And I see him in someone's sideways smirk,
someone's endless brown eyes,
someone's smile when they laugh.
America isn't great, nor, will it ever be because
We sexualize young women but
tell them to wait until marriage.
she cringed every time your fingertips traced down her back, pulling her closer to you.
Imagine a world so unlike this one
Where grimy hands were not free to cross lines,
And no one experienced the sinking jolt
Of panic caused by bad touches
Brought on by loud mouthed musketeers
You indicated your crotch
And told me
To take responsibility
For what I'd started
But what of my responsibility
To myself?
Who gave you the right to use us at your disposal?
In the end,
you'll be alone---
like an empty vessel
stuck with resinating regret.
Are you aware that you're leading to your own self destruction?
I open my eyes to nothing.
I do not see anything because my face is against my pillow.
But I do feel something.
Hands, hands exploring my body like I'm some kind of unique jungle.
I remember the first time you did it The first time you made me feel like my body was no longer my own I remember the first, second, and third time you made me bleed or when I would hold back tears so you wouldn't call me weak and then you would b
Look,
there’s a reason they call us
“survivors” and “warriors.”
We wake up in the middle of the night,
eyes staring into the glow-in-the-dark stars we pasted long ago
and weep.
Like blissful ignorance,
the day was beautiful.
The sun shone down,
warming smooth baby-like skin
the sounds of happy children
climbing toys and racing across green grass.
I’m sorry.
I’m sorry I told my mom when you touched me down there.
You were only 7 and I was 8
I bleed coffee
from countless sleepless nights
and I can't tell
if the bitter taste in my mouth
is from my drink of choice
or memories of his tongue.
Maybe it's the aftertaste
When I was five
my cousin stripped the clothes
from my body.
He put his hands on my skin,
hands everywhere.
When I was five
I repressed it.
When I was ten or eleven
Don't shoot the messenger
Unless she's a woman
Don't shoot the mesenger
Unless her skin has become an invitation
They scream at her
She knows they're just words
That couldn't be possibly understood
At night the same nightmare plays over and over. I tell myself that women shouldn’t think, not even alone at night, but the nightmare still prevails. I am sweaty and panting. My legs are sprawled open.
“your fingertips are dragonflies”
A dragonfly perched on my shoulder
And crawled up my neck
I didn’t notice.
I sipped lemonade,
On March 19th I went to a party
accompanied by my first love; my soul getter
I trusted him
This man I equated as an angel on earth
So when I drank too much
When I was 17 I was raped and ever since I’ve been saying “yes” even when I want to say “no” because I don’t know how to say “no” without being afraid that he won’t know “no means no.”
It’s difficult, to say the least,that with dying embers follows,a shift to a sobering cease,leaving thy blushing touches hollowed.
Don’t cry for me mama, because you know I jumped for joy,
When I was rejected from your Ivy League school,
From a study that would bring security and down my world,
The day he left was the day it all started
That day I decided to tread into waters uncharted.
I acknowledged how fun it was to be a sight that men drool to see
Brilliantly woven
string of lies.
Poison fierce
between your thighs
dark. So dark
red with blood.
Cry alone
shut your mouth.
White angel wing save me now.
show the world truth.
Men are supposed to love you.Hold your hand and tell you that you are pretty. He said I was beautiful when he held me by the throat and tried to slip my innocence into his back pocket.The words rolling off his tongue caught my skin like a zipper a
I’ve sat in this hospital bed for days
Wondering, contemplating, thinking,
Believing
Maybe I belong here.
Maybe I am as crazy as you say I am.
Maybe I was asking for it.
You can't protect them.
You can't change the inevitable.
You couldn't my fate Mom.
You couldn't change my fate Dad.
Everything that happened, God, it was bad.
My body is not my own.
As my 18th birthday approaches, so does my entry into adulthood
As does my loss of agency.
My value as a person will rest on how sexually appealing I seem
My hard work?
My morals?
When a house is dirty, we clean it.
We sweep away the dust and scrub away the stains until there is
nothing left
to remind us of the
wreckage
A smile is not an invitation.
A young girl, only eleven years old
Far too young to become a damaged good.
There was no screaming or shouting that day,
When I was younger, my mother’s name for me was Doll.
Her hair was golden thread, her eyes were glass.
She would dress me and undress me, and hold my pink hands and sing,
“How perfect you are,
I still am lost in the wonder of its beauty
So sweet it is
As it just lays there
Deep in red valor
I want nothing more
Than to freeze this time
This time that is sacred and rare
this indignant poetry I must take a standI will be called loud-mouthed hard-hearted stars in
eyes sentimentality foolishness stemming from stubbornness
I'm dirty,
disgusting,
defiled,
broken,
bruised,
used,
abandoned,
scarred,
and lost.
He broke me.
I was not his.
Not his to take.
To hurt.
Did my clothes grow a voice box and speak for me?Because my own voice couldn’t be heard over your insecurityThe only word I needed was noWhen a child first learns the word no
I don’t want to be just another statistic.
I suppose I am, either way you cut it, but I can’t stand to live with the evidence of it.
The worst is this, I was never fully attacked.
Hot room
Lights off
Dancing in a foreign and familiar place.
You come up behind me and you think I want it.
You don’t ask me if those hands snaking up my ribcage and encircling my breasts are okay.
I don't remember how I met my best friend, but I remember That Day.
I don't remember how I felt when the lungs embedded in my grandpa turned to ash like the poison sticks he smoked, but I remember That Day.
Her eyes sparkle like diamonds,
A smile plays across her lips,
Her hair blows gently in the whispering wind.
No one knew the secrets behind her eyes.
I was unable to focus on what was happening.
The cool summer’s breeze sending chills up my spine,
The chlorinated water slowly pruning my skin.
The memories arose, after four years had passed.
She was all yours.
She was everything you wanted,
Worth the world and more.
She took care of you so well.
Always waiting by the door.
She was your number one fan,
Begging for an encore.
Dear You,
Since you all I’ve been able to hear are shots,
For each glass that I’ve learned was a plot.
Caught up in a YOLO generation,
And dehumanized by your melanin fixation.
Lines
Don't know where to draw them
Not to cross them
or how to drop them
if she's fine
Then so is the line
Between mutual attraction
And unwanted attention
I am NOT your Toy.
My body is NOT
ball jointed plastic limbs
bendable for your covetous cock play
I used to think about that day all of the time
No one knew but us three
I was so young they thought I would not remember
But I do
I'm sorry for being silent;
for wishing you were gone,
for wishing I was gone too.
I'm sorry for standing idle;
for not screaming your crime,
for not loving my survival.
The violence is not predatory
It is an intellectual attempt
To prove the power of the predatory
The rape is not intuitive
It is a political ambition
To seek office in place of the regulators of intuition
"My body is my temple"
If we're going to use that metaphor
It is a temple in ruins
A temple weathered by wind and rain
It is a temple with no soul
A temple with no hope
