Bipolar

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Dear My Past Self, This is the part where I tell you that you're going to be okay Each day might seem worse than the last But, that everyday is truly a new day
Dear any and all, It starts with a search. “I think I might be sick,” you type, fingers hesitant because each word, each letter you feel like, is crying out to the world, with the quietest of voices. Look at me. Look at me.
It's only her and I, alone in our abyss, a mind at odds of whom to miss. The girl must decide for one to stay, to chose her final destiny. The 'good' one yells for me to go, but what she doesn't know?
The grasp on her is tight Suffocating her sanity Hands numb Heart still beating Her mind? Filled with demons Flooding her veins with tortuous thoughts She silently screams, but no one hears
You needed me.
Am I worth it? The trouble; the time; the headache. Sometimes I feel shunned out. My emotions flutter I can feel them changing constantly Can it just stop?
My mind retraces dark places skin deep hatred of flesh deflated. The escape sedated for freedom pasted a truth that collated heartless faces. I stated the case of pain that wakes and breaks like glass in shattered places.
Tempest resolve within me,Cursing these waters with intrusive collision.Meeting crest by crest with defiance.Clamor and upheaval, I dwindle away;The saline waters eroding this fleshy vessel.
  Streams of watermelon juice dampen my cheeks Sprinklers in the summer made my cheeks drip
My love for you sounds like bombs raining down on my brain,  it causes the symptoms of my disorder, but the symptoms I know and love  reflect the way you make me feel.  They rush in and batter me senseless 
I love sleep. From daydreams to nightmares, I could live in my dreams forever. No matter how vivid those other worlds appear to be, Nor how terrifying the chases are,
You cried You cried for maybe 20 minutes? 15?   Then you pleaded You tried to at least But why? What's the point?   Then you screamed Screamed at the world
I hear her scream I hear her tiny footsteps in the hallow way  Her shallow breathing quickening my heart She is an empty shell of the person I knew Her soft skin that used to soothe me is abused by her confusion
They sayHe is full of ambition,Of hope,Of love,Of foolishness,Of anger.So the girl thought,"I must be blind."For she saw void.Immense and stretching and selfish.
Measuring your ability to fail Failing to conquer your fears Fears that consume you You are breathless, speechless, lifeless   Lifeless for a lifetime
"Fuck." "I want to die," I say. "I wasn't supposed to let it get this bad again," I say. As if I have any choice in the matter. As if my brain isn't the traitor here.
who am i today? a disarray of traits to have and things to be. this is a game i play over and over - unravelling the me that came that's new from yesterday.  
EMOTIONS  I'm Not Feelin So Fine Not feelin so great Hate. The way I feel Hate. The patients to wait. But in the end, I'm feelin fine. Every night through the day I feel high, up, down, O-kay
We were introduced to medication at seven and eleven. My brother's first thought was to break open the capsule To the sound of my parents saying, "No, no, no."   Now we're poppin' pills from PEZ dispensers
Image: Les bons et les mauvais jours by Magnetic  
in the mountains, the oxygen isn't enough. i breathe but i want more, more, more. i want to climb higher. i am tired and awake. tears in my eyes, i am laughing. i am so close to the sun, like Icarus, i want to be set on fire
He tried. He really did try to make me his everything. And then you got in the way. Funny, ironic even. You told him to love me Then you ruin it the first chance you get. Bipolar much?
Which is better depression or mania   What is worse organic psychosis or obscure sadness    You see the bright white i see the solemn  grey I don't mean to sound desperate but
I used to shine bright, I was warm and comfortable. I was hopeful. I loved myself.   But over time I began to falter. I slowly began to dim, I began to turn to black.
What happens after I am happy, I'm energetic and alright. I'll be happy for a while, Not tiered at all, Keeping myself up, With these ideas of joy and love. This is my state of mania perhaps,
Behind every smile, You know that there is some sadness. The sadness that we mask With forced laughter, With excuses for the tearing eyes. It is simply much more simple to smile,
Today is "normal"Today I'm one of them No one asks what's wrong
For the record, I am myself.  Even in the dark with no mirrors, no clues, I am myself. I am not the feeling
It is easy to tell me It is easy to yell It is easy to shake me But I never understood   I lie awake at night
I hope that you burn Reeling, tears streaming, Gargling mother's milk to forget.   I hope that you ache, Shaking, skin bruised, Wishing for softer skin and less regret.  
Before you date somebody with amental illness, you must rememberthat calling them beautiful willnot adjust their brain's chemicallevels.  Sweet words do not reversesickness that plagues the mind
The hypomanic mind is quite unique With sharp twists and turns, pulling you in and out of its clutches As it creeps upon you slowly, until you can no longer claim normality  
I remember the last night I spent in the hospital Sitting on my windowsill like I was on top of the world, When really the world was on top of me And yet, I couldn’t cry  
Well shit I really hope your life is not the same as it is now That you have some level of control you could never ifind in the bottom of a bottle Or a handful of pills Self harm scars Or hospital bills
Days I have days where I want to give upBut I also have days where that seems so far awayBecause the distance between giving up and staying here is the length of a wide embrace I'm ready to face
only my walls see my tears and only my walls know my fears i keep it all inside except once... when someone pried i opened up and tried but they hurt me so... i nearly died  
Continue..... Continue to live Continue to process I dont remember how this began When did I go wrong? When did I decide my bed is where I chose to stay safe?
did you know my mood changes did you know I don't know why did you know that I really hate it and its so exhausting this endless fight   did you know my fluctuating feelings stop me sleeping sometimes
"My head," I explain, "It's floating." Everyone stares. That doesn't make sense. I try again. "My head feels like it's floating." and they nod, my statement is acceptable
                Floods of wrath, Tigris to my Ur!                 Trenchantly breaking relations                 —Temples of Toil— made by me!                 From the sweat of my brows, they’re built
Day zero: You are in a warm bathtub, and you are drunk. Your girlfriend just broke up with you. You are texting your friends that you are worthless, That you are tired,
someone once told me that depression was god's way of weeding out the weak as if there were no room in this world for people like me people who can't just "suck it up" and be HAPPY
I am not who you think I am. But I am him, still.   I am more than what you thought I was. Though I am him, still.   I am nothing more than nothing less - With words and still  
Like a foot is stretching my heart Contorting, stressing, I feel nothing at all. Like they're talking, And I'm talking back, But the words are vegetables Why are carrots coming out,
A grey film envelopes the eyes, A shell replaces what once was. The body is there, But the soul is no more.   Death hath not taken What once settled within.
betrayal and aching in your lungs the last half-sip of wine no u-turns   one missing stitch   bleeding ink on left hands whys and what-ifs alone at a table
  A fatherless showdown. He is around but he’s not. His ghost still creeps in his body,
Lets start on how I'm so in love How you have me in a trans, how you got me so sprung...
My mind is spinning I am going to throw up Anxiety kills ~Dmonica
She was unbreakable Nothing fazed her She was alway smiling And everyone knew her name   That quirky tilt of her head Always arguing with herself And that black sweatshirt whe always wore
how do you desceice to someone something they have never felt? the tortures existens that god hath delt me each day i promise myself that i will make it threw the day one step at a time.
Reach your hand, your tongue, your stomach,
"Come along!" Said the Man.Though to where,
Beginning to realize I'm in deepInside my head, I'm so hard to reachPushing my emotions in different directionsObviously so very out of control
There's two sides to me
Bipolar.
I am bipolar and thats okay I've tried to hide to hide it, tried to runaway I am bipolar not an outcast The mistakes I've made are all in the past I am bipolar, I've learned alot
I am bipolar and thats okay I've tried to hide to hide it, tried to runaway I am bipolar not an outcast The mistakes I've made are all in the past I am bipolar, I've learned alot
You say I’m okay On the outside So I must be alright To keep going But have you once thought About how I feel inside
Tick, tock, tick, tock. 
I was little when disposable cameras were "the thing"Polaroids were fading out. I would pose for my mother in my new school clothes Silly faces, ballerina, peace signs.
Incurable words, They seem to kill me blantantly. The irony is bliss. Words running through my mind. All the time. At the most unfavorable times of night. In the heat of a moment of love.
    can't think.        alone in a crowded room.    [logically inconsistent]
I began to feel it,
When I used to look in the mirror, I would see A girl who struggled, but yet was sometimes pretty. I struggled with my relationship with my family. Although they clothed, fed, housed, and spoiled me,
I saw the shadows of the day wax and wane,
If I had to write about being bipolar, I would write about the ups and downs. How some days you feel like you are soaring and others you feel like you are fifty feet underground.
Make it stop! Make it stop! Please Someone stop me
Bipolar disorder is a major part of my life I cannot let certain people know If my job knew, They may search for a reason to fire me I would be considered a liability If a school I applied to knew,
Even the lucky fall sometimes Even the fortunate cry themselves to sleep
Floral prints and straw hats Sips of lemonade and a gentle scent of daisies Mix nicely with the cool spring breeze   It has just rained So grass sticks to the bottom of our feet
The Other Me   Happiness (adjective) Feeling pleasure or joy It’s the perky energetic kid that has
When someone talks Do you really even hear them? Do you take their words, digest them, and lock them away in your own little pandoras box? I do, everything someone says to me, gets tucked away
Sometimes I get in my feelings, for no reason. Just a thought can shift my entire mood. I can be happy one moment then depressed the next. I have issues. I guess that's called bipolarism.  
I cannot l
“When a mommy and a daddy love each other very much,
I can ride a wave of light to the stars and swallow them whole, spitting out constellations and fireworks. I’m the heat that will leave third degree burns on your eyes if you look
Who hears the voice of the mentally ill? Who feels for them when they cry from the pain they feel? It seems they are feared and everyone worries Is their problem contagious or more comfortable ignoring?
What does it mean? Popping electric blue – Daily times two Doctor says, “you’ll feel better, it’s true”   But you don’t even realize Sad eyes, manic eyes Just a teacher
It
  You don't like it It eats at you every day You feel so unhappy You don't want to do anything You want to cry, punch, die Then, it changes. You don't want it to go away
A tattooed anchor entwined in the symbol for infinity sits on her hip bone, which juts out like a cliff over her great barrier reef.
I can’t tell him “No, I don’t understand” Because he’s sighing at me Looking over glasses at me As I break down in his office I can’t tell him “Please, explain it to me”
Last week in my English class, a debate began, one in which I did not want to be present.
Who are you? You are not my mother today. We do not know what you will do, The children must leave So they are safe.   "Safe from what?", the little ones ask,
Her condition is that she is a walking contradiction, for she is a soul burning with hot fire and coals born into the coldest winter ever.   She’s living in hell amongst demons yet some say she looks heavenly.  
I am Alpha and OmegaThe beginningThe end Eloquent, as her words share the breath of life and colorA penchant to liveTo survive Maybe to laughProbably love
I've never been the girl who was alone. I always had a friend by my side, walking down the halls in school, over summer break in the park, there was always someone who asked me to come.
Pounding Anger like a hammer struck thumb Self inflicted Mind conflicted Noise Everywhere I go Everywhere I look
So young with highs as sharp as mountain peaks, and lows deeper than the bottom of the sea. The flashes of emotions were killing me, and the pills were not healing me. In my head there were bits and pieces
(poems go here)Blue and White Sanity   When I first thought maybe  my symptoms were more than just being 17 I feared one thing more than madness.
As the ocean draws in from a hard days work I stop and think of the ongoing state of things. The sun's rays strech out from the horizon giving the sky a firework of explosion. What has my life become? Where is it leading me?
Why, my heart, do you love another soul? Why, my heart, must you hurt the other one's soul? Now, my heart, I see why you have fled me. Now, my heart, I think I should be quite dead.
Where now, are you my soul? What journey have you departed for, Leaving me behind to feel the absence? Where now, are you my soul? What skies do you seek, While I await in shades of grey?
This is the house of 100 pound chairs. Where the tables are nailed to the floor. Where the windows are made out of bullet-proof glass and the neighbors broken and torn.
She felt her frown as she wore her scowl And ached her sad while showing her bitter, So it’s easy to see why no one knew her blue, and often mistook her for red.
Why is life so lifeless for you, poor child? Is there a thing in this world that could lighten you up, put a smile on your face? You are brooding, but why? Has someone wronged you, or has misfortune fallen upon you?
"I still like you anyway." "I never would have known." "Really, but you don’t seem-" These are things that ring in my ears comforts you offer unthinkingly as if who I am
When thoughts fail, or words do not come Though all alone emotion remains I should not be guided by this But I can get divided by this So what then
Keep Quiet, Don't say a word. Though, you want to speak your mind, It's best to remain unheard. Complexity reigns your brain. While many people try and try to understand you, They never do.
On the exterior a calm and collected face Contrasts the interior where emotions chase Everlasting misery inside a pod Which collects emotions mad and odd Seperated like skin from bone As to I a world unformed
The eyes do see Like shadows in the night Every move I make I am not alone The eyes do see For reasons of their own A creature far from pure Is always on my mind
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