You know who you are
Don’t look away, don’t turn this page

You need to read this.

Back then, you were scary
You were tall and short and wide and heavy
You were popular and liked by everyone
Well, some of you were liked,
The rest of you were feared.

I was little

I was nine, then ten, then eleven
Three years it lasted, even in the summers.

So many times, so many places you hurt me
Yes in church,

School,
On the playground,
On my way home,
On my way to school,

Whenever and wherever you could find me.

If you were in the mood,
You did what you learned from your family
Somehow, they did teach you.

I didn’t care what you were scared of
I didn’t care if your father or mother beat you
Or rejected you

I didn’t care if you experienced stress or trauma in your life
All I cared about was stopping the pain and trauma you put in my life
And I so wanted to get away, to feel safe in my life.

You would punch me and give me “blinkies”
Remember those? 

Of course you do
You made a fist and pushed your middle finger knuckle through the fist,
Then you would hit me on the head with that knuckle
It happened again and again, one time I passed out
You and your friends laughed.

Jack, Jim, Pat, Walter
One of you said you would protect me if I would pay
I stole money from my family to keep you and the others from beating me.
It didn’t work, I still got beat, I still got hurt.

One day Pat you were picking on my best friend Eddie.
Eddie finally broke and struck out at you.
I cheered, a few others cheered too.
After that you never bothered Eddie again.
I’d wished I’d had the courage to do that.
I didn’t
I never saw that episode of Andy Griffith when Andy taught Opie that it was okay to fight back
I never had a father in my life to teach me that it was okay to protect myself

Raised by my grandmother, I never had anyone I could scream to for help.

So here I am and there you are.
Do you beat your kids too?

Michael © 2018