I slip, the ghost of the unheard girl no one knows

I climb the stairs, ascending my personal heaven

I sit, reclining against my personal deity’s throne

A silent version, solemn version of the self I force myself to be

 

Quiet

 

As I stare at my wooden door

As I look at my personal pearly gate

As I remove myself from the life

The chaotic mess of a world I no longer am a part of

 

Clicking

 

When my hands type away hours

When my homework is piling up

When the ticking of a clock and pounding of my fingers

Is all I have to hear

 

Peace

 

No longer counting the people in the room

No longer analyzing who sits with whom

No longer absorbing the silence of pain

Ignoring the masses that drown out the outside world

 

Exhaustion

 

As I watched the child crying in the bathroom stall

As I watched the happy couple sitting far apart

As I noticed the details too small to ignore

As I saw the pain in a friend’s eyes when discussing fathers

As I chatter through the pain I observe

Mindless comments

Hopeless comments

 

Saved from the self I force myself to be

 

When I sit in a temple of my own creation

Admiring my wall, a wall that protects

Facing a world that needs protecting

Reviewing the self I allow myself to be

 

Sitting in a room,

Admiring a quiet moment

Peacefully ignoring the outside

As I enjoy the inside.