I walk the halls alone, hearing giggles from "Innocent" girls, foul language from the "Bad Boy" crowd, and smooches from the "Perfect" couples that have it all figured out.

Then there's me, someone who lives to just see the next minute. Someone who has no direction to walk, no laughter to have, no love to give, no life to live. Some days I'm still fighting to walk towards the light.

Daily I walk this life, knowing my fate, that death walks as my shadow, taps my shoulder nightly; he sits and waits for the day I succeed in suicide.

I'm on the edge, screaming for help, ready to jump. I'd take an echo, a hand, a smile if that's all you had to give but it isn't.

I let silence fall in hope you'll understand my pain; that doesn't work and I fall deeper into depression. I let words explain the pain in hope you'll understand my pain; that doesn't work and I fall deeper into depression. I let books explain the pain in hope you'll understand my pain as others explain; that doesn't work and I fall deeper into depression. I let songs, the sound of music, explain the pain in hope you'll understand my pain; that doesn't work and I fall deeper into depression. I let razor blades show how I feel on the inside in hope you'll understand my pain; that doesn't work and I fall deeper into depression. I let an eating disorder take over my life in hope you'll understand my pain; that doesn't work and I fall deeper into depression.

I close my eyes and pretend I'm alright but it's never enough so I take a step off and end it all.

I let death win and as I'm buried 6 feet under, it finally hits your heart how much pain I was in and now in death you can never take back all you've ever said to me, you can't say what you felt about me, you only wish you had done something more to save me but with my death, I can't tell you this,

"I lived every day because you checked up on me. I held on because of you. I screamed at the top of my lungs for help but my death isn't your fault. Don't blame yourself for a life I couldn't survive. You couldn't have done anything more to save me because I was to far down the rabbit hole to grab a rope and climb. I ask of you, this: Don't cry when I take my own life. look up to the sky and say goodbye. Remember the smile I once had, let my laughter fill you up, don't give up on your life because I couldn't handle the pain in mine. You're a survivor, I'm not but always remember this, 'Because of you, I survived for this long.' Continue living as if I was still here. I would want you to be happy. Let me live on, through you."

My death allowed the world to realize my troubled soul yet it's too late because the desire to say goodbye finally was used and worked.