I'm scared to let people in

to let them know that I have a problem

to see if they can help

depression is a taboo subject

especially in a christian home

because its not a sickness

you are just not strong enough

you obviously are in it for the attention

because you're a middle child

or its a late form of rebellion

some honors kids do that you know

 

I don't reach out for help

because that means I would have to tell them

tell them I cut

tell them I have thought

about ending it all

and I'm scared of what they will say to me

 

Why do you cut

you have no reason too

nobody you loved died

its not like you have a bad home life

your parents dont beat you

obviously you have no reason to be depressed

that means you are just in in for the attention

because thats all you are

an attention seeking bitch

 

You havent really thought about suicide

if you really had you wouldnt be telling us

you would go through with it

because everyone who is depressed

doesn't want the help

that means you aren't depressed

you just want some of the spotlight on you

because you can't get it any other way

 

I know most people wont act like this

but some will

and those ones who do

are the reasons that I struggle

I struggle to talk to people who can help me

even my best friend

because what if

just what if she is one of the few

and i lose her friendship forever

 

so im scared

and i dont know what to do

because i want to tell her

i believe she can help and will understand

but i always get stopped

before i can open my mouth

because of that small little question

What If?