Did you ever think what you were going to leave behind, or were you too busy thinking what you were going to say next in your note? You left a male dependent little girl behind. All she ever wanted was the love from her father and the nightmare of a broken family to go away. She just wanted the perfect family she thought she had all along. But you left her too soon. Did you ever care what was going to happen to her? What about all the promises that you broke. Did you forget about those too? Did you ever care about her happiness?
It tore her life upside down and she started cutting and burning herself to regain control over her life. She felt a sense of relief and control again. At least she could control one thing about her life as it was spinning out of control. With each slice to her wrist she saw a light: a glimpse of hope, that there was something to live for. She would sit at night with the blade pressed to her wrist hoping it would be her last and deepest cut. She then created a sick addiction that would stop her from going too deep and left her wanting more. It was as if she had a date every night with her razor. She would crave the burn of the lighter and the sting of razor like it was a drug. She could never get enough to satisfy her cravings. Do you care your little girl hurt herself? Do you like to watch her cry in agony? I wish you could just see all the pain and agony you caused her. Do you even care?
When you left you took the key to the box where she locked her sanity and happiness up and put it out of sight. She did not even think she was going to finish high school. She wrote countless numbers of suicide notes, but she then crumpled them up because she could not bare to see her mother go through the same thing all over again. The image of her mother finding yet another family member dead kept haunting her as if it was the only thing keeping her alive. One was enough she did not need another. She had it all planned out on to what she was going to say in her goodbye letter but could not find the courage to put it into action.
She put on a mask of fake emotions to spare the questions of unhappiness every day to family and friends. She had gotten pretty good as if was tattooed and permanent. No one knows how she did it but she did better than what was expected of her to. She was told countless times to quit being so strong. She only learned this from the best. She was taught to never show her emotions and be as strong as the walls she built around her heart. This little girl turned into her family’s rock, the life support that kept everyone together.
Did you ever stop and think before you put the gun to your head and pulled the trigger what all this was going to cause? How did you ever think her mother could do this by herself? She could not do it, but you would not know because you were too far gone. There were countless nights she would fall asleep to the distant cries of pain and hopelessness. Don’t worry about her now she figured it all before she made the same mistake as you.
Do you care about all the depression, hopelessness, suicidal thoughts, self-harming, and anxiety you caused her?
Was it all worth it in the end?