War

My body is the aftermath of a silent war.

Friendly fire has wrecked havoc on my insides

As cell attacks, cell and my mind rebels against itself

Which is to say that I am a war-torn survivor who fights battles every day

 

I’ve learned 3 lessons throughout my battles

1 sometimes you lose

2 sometimes all you have is your support system

And 3 you have to ask for help to get it

 

The first lesson is learned through my first war

My first war is against my immune system

My immune system is so confused that it attacks itself

But so assured of its conviction that it lays waste to whatever is in its path

My doctors call it Crohns

They say inflammation sprouts throughout my gastrointestinal tract

But they don’t know how I got it,

or why I got it,

or even a cure for when I did get it

 

So they treat it

They treat it by lowering my immune system, so low

they tell me not to be around sick people

But that’s a battle that I’m willing to lose

I would rather be in good company and sickness

Than in solitude and health

 

My second lesson and my second war,

This war is that of my mind

I have bipolar disorder

Which means that sometimes I get manic

Where I get so high that I believe I can fly

I am invincible and there is no fear of death here

But then there are times when I am depressed

When my bed ties me to its foundations

And the weight of life becomes unbearable

In those days,

Those days  only my support system helps me

They take brittle bones in strong hands

And hold me up to face life

 

And my 3rd lesson is that you got to ask for help to get it

I waited 4 years with Crohn's disease

Before my body became so entrenched in the sickness

I lost 20 pounds

I lost so much blood

And it wasn’t until I was hospitalized that I got treatment

 

I waited 18 years before I finally got help for my bipolar disorder

When I finally became more than this on and off switch of ups and downs

I was able to feel my whole range of emotions with no fear

 

I am a war-torn survivor who has become a soldier

Willing to fight any battle,

for anyone who needs it.

 

This poem is about: 
Me

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