Skinny

All you’ve had to eat for the past 2 days are your own fingernails
Skinny girls hip bone wishes
You want to be skinny
Skinny means pretty
Skinny means wanted
Skinny means loved
Skinny is only a fantasy for you, hoping, praying to lose that
20 pounds
30 pounds
40 pounds
50 pounds
Until you are nothing but a whisper in the breeze
You’ve always been a smart girl but you find yourself checking how many calories are in toothPaste
You’ve gotten used to the feeling of fingers down your throat
Because that boy in the fourth grade,
he told you,
you were disgusting
Here you are almost 4 years later thinking he was right
One boy changed you completely
One kill yourself
One you’re fat
One You’re not wanted
and the little girl who used to be happy to wake up and smiled at herself in the mirror,
Is now covered in scars the fourth grade boy left her with
That boy,
you bet yourself his life today is perfect
While yours is broken and cracked
Yet you thank him
You thank him for showing you who you really are
Because now that little girl is gone
All that’s left is her memory
You have been pushed so far
the feeling of a razor digging into your wrist has become the new norm
The scars cutting vertically and horizontally
leave you contemplating life itself
The blades you dig,
The buildings you stand on,
The pills you want to swallow
They give you control
Notifying you that you have the ability to
Dig deeper,
Swallow,
Jump,
and end what you think is a pathetic excuse for a life.
You tell yourself in little whispers,
there is no hope just let go
But you can’t let go because they tell you
“We love you don’t give up”
But what’s wrong with giving up?
“It’s a sign of weakness”
“It’s begging for attention”
“It’s the simple way out”
Because the one thing people can not seem to fathom is suicide
“Why?” People will ask in whispers the day they found out you jumped
“Why not?” The people who knew you will respond
“She was unhappy”
“ she hated herself.”
“She thought that it’d be better to be dead than to be alive and unhappy,”
“But let’s not get selfish”
“She didn’t do this for you”
“She didn’t give in “
It’s okay to give up.
Because now you’re skinny
Now you’re pretty
Now you’re worth it
But people are left with the burden of ‘thinking’ it was their fault
They will sit in front of a camera and upload fake truths
These pretty little liars
Instead of allowing this lesson to be learned
They think it’s about them
They’ll open their mouths and say things so absurd
“They were my best friend” You didn’t know me
“They always made me laugh” You used to bully me
“I didn’t see it coming” I told you i wanted to die
“ I knew and i didn’t do anything” No you didn’t
i asked Pleaded for help but you just shoved me aside.

Fine is a term used by people today
Those of us who suffer from depression
Anxiety
Anorexia
Bullimia
It is a sheild of what we really mean.
Fine means
Don’t touch my wrist its raw skin bleeding all over it’s bandage
I haven’t gotten any sleep in days
I haven’t eaten a full meal in over a month
I just threw up my entire lunch
Fine does not pass

Society is nothing but a bunch of bloodthirsty pack hounds

 

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