Sister

Dear  sister,

I don't think she knows.

Don't think she knows that I know.

Don't think she knows that I see.

Sees the things that she sees.

The demonic sketches in her books.

The strange numbers written in small nooks.

The cuts on her frail arms, the cigarette burns that left dark marks.

I see them baby.

I feel your pain.

I hear your cries.

I know your struggle.

The voices you hear, the figures you see, the hands that grab you, the maggots that you feel inside you.

I want to take them away.

Take them far, far away.

To a place where they can't hurt you.

Create a safe place for you to stay.

 

You’re stronger that your mind that attacks you.

You’re bigger than the things you see at night.

You’re smarter that the voices that scream at you.

You are real.

You are here.

You are my sister.

And i’ll always be right here.

 

I’ll always be ready, to tame your seizing body, as you see a blue demon grab your neck. Always be there, to talk you down, and to help you put down the knife aimed at my side.

Always be waiting, when you kill a small animal, thinking it was an evil man.

Your dark habits, your morbid fixations, your misunderstanding of the world around you. Let me unblur your vision, let me show you what's real.

I'm real baby.

I’m right here.

 

I know the pills don't seem to help, I know the therapists and doctors don't understand, I know our parents are afraid of what you’ve become,  who you are.

I knew you before the illness took over your mind. I know you as more than your false realities.

I knew you when your favorite thing was Hello Kitty.

I remember when you ran around the house with your hair in pigtails and your small frame covered in pink, silk, jammies.

I remember your gap-toothed smile, covering your face, cheek to cheek.

Your joy must of been too much for the world.

And that's why it had to be taken away.

What used to be a little Kitty stickers covering your walls, are now curse words, and cigarette smoke rising from bathroom stalls.

A messy bun and hair left undone, replace what were those sweet, pigtails in which you would run.

The pink pajamas you would wear to sleep, are gruesome t-shirts, that swallow you beneath the sheets.

 

Out of all the things i’ve said, there's one thing that I want you to understand best, that I love you, i’m here for you, that i’ll always help you find some rest.

Some days you will doubt me, some days you will try and forsake me, but i’ll always be beside you, to try and resolve the fear inside you.

Because I understand my darling, I understand your pain, and one day, I hope that I can take it all away.

This poem is about: 
My family

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