I’ve felt this way

For many, many years

Hiding and pretending

My two favorite past times

No body truly understands

Exactly what I go through

 

The real me is scary

Intimidating, mysterious

I’ve never met another like me

Someone who can understand

Anyone will do

 

If they could just understand

Where I’m coming from

If they’d listen to my silent cries

And peer through the lies

 

They’d realize just who I am

And what I go through

Though I am not yelling

Can you hear my cries?

 

If my heart overwhelmed my mind

Would the true me scare you?

All I want is to be heard, and not be judged

I want to be understood

 

I have nightmares at night

Where I’m limp on the floor

Yet far from the door

Just another dream

I’ve dreamt of worse before

 

Imaginary tears feel my eyes

Somehow I am still incapable of crying

My heart is secretly shattering

I won’t tell anyone why

 

Darkness threatens to suffocate me

I manage to breath, though

And no one noticed my struggle

They never do

 

I’m hiding behind a mask of serenity

I’ve muted my true voice:

My heart

Just so I won’t hurt anybody else

 

No one understands

So I don’t try anymore

I’m used to the routine

Of pretending

That is why they call me a mystery

A freak

 

I lie to my best friends

Even they can’t help

My laugh is fake

So is my voice,

The cheerfulness that fills it

Is just a disguise

 

I am actually asking for help

But they laugh right along with me

They are deaf to my silent cries

No one can hear me now

 

It has become too routine,

Too normal

But it is really because I won’t speak out loud

I pray every night

For someone to understand

Someone like me

 

A mystery, a freak

It keeps me moving on

I have many thoughts running through my mind

None are the normal kind

 

I write

I draw

I dream the darkest of dreams

I try to show people

How I feel

 

But they misunderstand

If they can’t

See past the beauty

And look into the pain that was hidden

Then I can’t try anymore

 

It’s no use

A waste of a perfectly good fuse

To those who don’t understand

I wish someone would have

 

I’ll accept their friendship

With a kind smile

But spare me your pity

I’ve had enough of that

 

I am okay

I force myself to be

All I wanted was that one person

To understand me

 

Understand what I go through

To see through my lying eyes

And hear my silent cries

But I know that will never happen

<3~~K.S.M.S~~<3

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