The commencement of my year

one call

disturbing in message

fifteen years old, one hundred pounds

my lover's younger sister had nearly drowned

at the hands of herself and inebriants

at a party two towns over

trouble staying sober

twenty minutes and nine shots in

her friend held her seizing body

minuscule and fragile

over the cold and comfort of a crude commode.

 

That same night in his mansion of a home

I had nearly wasted my virginity

but I was at a McDonald's drive through

when we found out about Phoebe

(peculiar how overprotective parents

are always the last to meet their children).

 

These shots taken by a less-than-innocent teen

were not the only to be taken in 2016.

 

I took to the Windy City

to recognize the future

but instead of a soothsayer

I was met by a pretentious art history professor

no, I can't explain Cubism

I'm sorry I mistook realistic to mean representative

caught red handed

I would call that line a bird,

am I here to learn or not?

Please ignore my work.

 

The day I gave up on art

I put my energy into medicine

for I figured

early expertise would not be expected

even the patients want to be teachers

would I even need to trust myself?

 

There were caucuses and carcasses

as the Zodiac doppelganger took the lead

how many Caucasians

can win through the academy?

DiCaprio was a revenant

nearly dead to pop culture

until he ascended that stage

to greet his friend Oscar.

 

Abstain from using an Uber to get you home

you may end up in a Cracker Barrel

staring down the end of a cracker's barrel

more than that, you may be pronounced dead

before you've died

only the brain but not the insides

either way in seven months you'll be forgotten.

 

Black clouds were the soup of the day

I ordered the salad

and didn't understand a week later

when everyone was complaining of food poisoning

I guess ignorance really is bliss

when you're feeling emotionally abused

and tempestuous

because people won't let people

simply go to the bathroom.

 

April flowers sprang from lead showers

and daily it was affirmed

that somehow this pertained directly to me

collecting bottled water

for a city in our state

that is no-doubt surrounded

by five massive lakes

the [iron]y was almost as noxious as the [lead]ership

and I wondered how California felt.

 

On the seventeenth anniversary

of my grand introduction,

I found myself undergoing

a major test

my past and future met to grant me

one exciting present

meanwhile he wouldn't answer

I was not perturbed

he forgot every year

and never kept his word

the plans we had were cancelled

my distraction all in vain

the reason for my being here

I could not ascertain.

 

The officers for Gray were found "not-guilty"

while a silverback gorilla was taken on-site

similar colors when compared

seem so black and white

it took people until August

to remember Harambe

but Freddie?

I guess we're still waiting.

 

If the human race

put half the effort into

ameliorating

as they do into

witticism

perhaps there would be a measurable change.

 

Love

such a silly game we play

like a summer's day in May

What is love?

What is love?

I just wanted to be loved.

 

Float like a butterfly

sting like a bullet

violence at a night club in the sunshine state

devastation, fury, ire, the color red

some people have taste only in their mouths.

 

He was there but I could never be

I had to let him go

I had to be set free

he told me he was amazed

that I wasn't weeping

for I had incessantly cried every day before

and I pondered

how he never realized

he was at fault

the minute he departed and those three years ended

I took my first breath

but it was stifled by a sob

I turned to my sister's young mind for advice.

 

The same day that he left me crying

I managed to save five young girls from buying

into commodity

from being bought out by a company

whose quality standards

matched my criterion for love

consumption consumes

and assumption assumes

but the truth goes on forgotten.

 

The Brexit shocked the stocks

but the depression did the same

and I'm left asking,

which is more relevant?

 

People say dance like no one is watching

and sing like no one is listening

sage advice

because no one ever is

and don't feed me that

love like you've never been hurt bullshit either

this can't be heaven on Earth.

 

I watch friends' progenitors

generating fear

by pushing their insecurities onto their children.

 

Imagine how pathetic life would be

if we truly never gave up

we exhausted hours searching

for a man named Chris to hug

and ended up encountering him right next door

Pokémon came

and Pokémon went

Pokémon arrive

Pokémon Go.

 

Truck drivers in France aren't so Nice

Idle

Systems

Intertidal

Schemes

these words mean nothing I just needed an abbreviation.

 

Mosquitoes are not the pests

we are

babies misshaped heads

we are

shooting in Milwaukee

no action, all talking

no controlled control controlled

controlling what should be controlled

common sense.

 

Boko Harem

I'm not familiar with the lyrics

but that sounds like a dandy song

a lamentable song

with stolen, complex chords.

 

Angry fists and hesitant thoughts

we watched Bob Ross

we visited a deserted play land

he taught me to play cards

noticed my imperfections

and laughed

Pulp Fiction

eyes like dead grass

alive in spirit

converging with my family

shorts with too many pockets to keep secrets hidden inside

best friends with my cousin

because she was the sole option.

 

Police brutality

I feel it's all on me

wanting to have a voice

while still under eighteen

and we're all silhouettes

when the sun goes down.

 

I fell in love with an idea

that in reality was a jest

triviality on me

I'm more lonesome than I had been before

pulling one person in

shutting the door on eighteen others.

 

Use good judgment

but do not judge

unless you've been to law school

only compare yourself to the past

as the five year old version of yourself

holds unwieldy expectations

be gentle but don't become soft

stay toned but don't let life turn you hard

be cool, never cold

all sage advice

for a time when nothing is sage

and no one is saved.

 

Parents don't want their children

to be genuinely moral people

they just want

to add more acclamations

to their own reputations.

 

No politician seems to understand Aleppo

instead they choose

to let Aleppo go

like the Cubs to The World Series

baseball hasn't mattered since 1945.

 

My timing is shameful

especially past 3:00 a.m.

in a room surrounded

I found one friend

he accompanied me everywhere

my favorite photo

hung just above my pillow

so that when I wake each evening

I remember this wasn't a dream.

 

Debates have never been so debatable

and I never remember the crows paying

for the grapes they take from the Vine.

 

Watching the waltz between red and blue

as I dance ballet

and come to the conclusion

that maybe I'm only allowed

to be grateful for the white.

 

The greater of two evils was chosen

and the electoral college

may cost us more than our tuition.

 

I only have opinions and I don't want to sound ungrateful

to reside in a country

where we are all constitutionally equal.

 

A few miles away Castro died

along with our hopes

of a Cuban get-away

where are all these pipelines going?

RIP to a mother-daughter duo that brought life to the silver screen.

 

Took to music

took to writing

took to bettering myself

I know now who I am

and I found God in the frost on my window

where I longed to be.

 

I don't watch him with her

I don't compare myself to them

I laugh and let learn

I may be boring

evident only in the words I do not dare speak.

 

Where I am today

is worlds away

from the place I never wanted to be

I will remain unchanged

and unchained

to anyone but the future

reaching out for her warm embrace

and a greater respect for tomorrow.