One More For The Road

There’s no beeping like there would normally be in a hospital

Just her shallow breath

As the respirator helps her

She can’t pee on her own

Her cheeks are shallow, just like her breath

Blink once if you can hear me

If he was here

He’d be yelling all over the place

Nothing would be good enough for her

The transfer to the new hospital center would NOT be acceptable

She would need her own room, and not share it with two other people dying


 

I was in denial


 

We are strong

Us Claire’s always were


 

So it is obvious that she was going to make it through this


 

By the tenth day

 

It is obvious that I am not going to make it through this

 

Uncontrollable tears

Gasping, not being able to let go

Of my mom

 

Snot covering her

Luckily mother had on a gown

 

I did not want to let go of her hands

Hands that always comforted me

Or accidentally pulled down my pants when I did something wrong

 

Or slap-tapped me when I said something inappropriate


 

She needed a good shave

 

He had always done that for her

 

Only in the last ten years of her life though

 

Stubbly, dark, course, was her chin

 

Little hairs shooting out, not matching the hair on her head, or her arms

 

One hand wrapped around a teddy bear

 

The mixed teddy bear, the shared teddy bear

 

Little pieces from different parts of the family

 

The Yankee shirt from my mom

 

The teddy bear from my sister

 

Something borrowed, something spent

 

But she loves the Yankees



 

One more picture to hold the memory

Whiskey!

But we won’t hear her laugh

When we shout that as we take the picture

 

She was always the first one to do everything, right?

Strong, letting me take one of my grandfather’s precious lollipops from the freezer

 

And giving herself the blame

 

To face the repercussions, the wrath of my grandfather

 

The one that zoomed up the hill

With its many bumps and rocks, to pick up my mom from work

 

That ended in flat tires and calling triple A during a huge storm, but at least we made it to the bank


She was valedictorian of her night classes

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