You don’t know me.

I don’t expect you to get to know me much better by the time I’m finished, but

There are often days where I see no reason to get up,

And no reason to get dressed,

With no reason to greet the day.

There are too frequent of times that I’ve fallen asleep,

Wishing on my lucky stars,

That I wouldn’t wake up in the morning,

That I wouldn’t greet the day.

People tell me that I’m living good,

And I should be happy,

And thriving,

But that changes nothing.

I do not greet the day.

Because committing to a greeting is committing to the rest of the conversation.

And conversations lead to plans, and “I’ll see you later”s, and –

How am I supposed to deal with this tomorrow when I didn’t even want to say hello to today?

 

Stop.

Please.

Think about something else.

 

The smell of freshly cut carnations – vividly pink ones.

My favorites.

Stargazing, even on cold nights.

It feels like I could fall into the universe and be swallowed up by the miracle of beauty and creation.

Warm sunshine.

The kind that makes you shut your eyes and forget where you are.

Wind of any and all kind.

Big gusts make me feel like I could fly away.

Boat rides.

Even on a small lake, it feels like a great adventure.

Crisp summer mornings in a tent.

No matter how cold it is, I still can’t help but get out of my sleeping bag and relish in mother nature’s new start.

 

1am after work love notes that I leave on my boyfriend’s car.

Blankets fresh out of the dryer.

Wearing a new outfit on the first day of school.

Overhearing a joke and repeating it later.

The feeling you get after a haircut. Fresh. New.

Watching children run through revolving doors.

 

So, I’ll just say it.

Why would I kill myself?

Why would I not greet every day?

 

I could kill myself every day if I wanted to

Without dying.

I could remake myself.

A new haircut, and new makeup, and a new attitude and I’m good as a new person.

I’ve been told that I should treat every day as a gift,

And that every day is a new opportunity.

So here I am.

Here we all are.

The silent majority of this generation trudges on in silence.

We all have it good and we all have to keep trying to be happy because

“You have it better than when I was your age.”

So we greet each day.

We try.

We’ve lost some to this battle of life.

But we’re still trying.

That counts for something, right?

We greet the day.

 

For the little things,

The balloons,

That somehow

Lighten the weight of the cinderblocks that have dragged this generation to a self-inflicted grave.

 

I’ll greet the day to see someone show off their new glasses,

Or buy myself flowers just because they make me happy,

Or watch someone shed the weight that has held them back for years.

You don’t have to know me to know that

I will greet the day

 

For hope;