MY HEART CRIES WHY?

My heart is heavy with sadness and love
It used to be light as the feather of a dove
But recently things have changed
And I feel really strange.
I never really have any friends
And that makes most things have miserable ends
I hope and pray that I will understand
If not now then someday.
I want to be the person who everyone loves.
I want to be gentle as the morning doves.
So far those to whom I most long to be close
Act like I'm some kind of medicine overdose.
My heart cries WHY?!
It makes no sense to me.
I know I am more than ordinary
I am weird and funny
Never quiet and never shy,
But still my heart cries why?!
Friends are those who care the most
But that would mean my mom is the host
Of the Michaela fan club
If there is such a thing
She is the only member with a loyalty ring
She loves and loves with no holding back
Why is everyone else so off track
You are my friends at least that's how I see it.
But you don't take part I am not an idiot
If you wanted to be
As close to me
As I want to be to you
Then you would have already shown me the truth
I love you and want to be there for you like you have been for me
However you are handicapping me.
I cannot do things that encourage you without your approval
Then why am I trying to make it possible?
Don't you see how much you mean to me?
Don't you know without you where I'd be?
In a world of immorality and sin
I know I can count on you to help me win.
However at this point I doubt
What is this distance between all about?
You say you care and will never leave
Yet I feel there is something you're hiding up in your sleeve
How can I know for sure that you mean what you say
Cause it seems everyday you drift further away.
I know that I am annoying and talk more than a Parrot
But seeing your expression now makes it apparent
How you really feel is not what you say
You would rather not give me the time of day.
I know this sounds stupid and definitely sad
But I really do feel this bad.
My God above please hear the cry
My heart is releasing
WHY?!

Michaela Hartman (04.25.13)
Freshman Year @ York College