My first love By: Ladii Kay

But, I love you.
So why fight so hard,
And put up walls strong enough to cage tigers in.
He said
But baby I,
I love you.
So why cry so loud?
You’re holding up the rain from the stars.

His heart was as dark as the clouds from above
But I guess they clogged up his ears,
because
The high pitch in my fear,
Screamed lower than the thunder in the sky.
Or maybe he just didn’t care.

No but he,
He loves me.

Rain drops lacerating lines across my face.
I wasn’t even sure if I was the one crying anymore.
I remember his hands,
They were once used to hold mine,
Sweetly.
But instead tonight,
For some reason he decided to fight me.

Lovely brown hands,
Turned into slaps to the face,
And leaving red trails across my hung over back.
Kisses so sweet,
Turned into promises of hate,
His arms wrapped around my waist, Began to suffocate my words, and
I don’t think he’s listening anymore.

Not but he,
He loves me.

I remember when Mrs.Latessa said
“Be careful when love comes, it’ll slap you in the face”
So this must be love,
I guess I was never really prepared.

Breathing in this still air,
After being told to,
“Sshh, take it baby it’s okay” “
You’re a woman now, you can take the pain”

No but,
He loves me.

Every word that I tried to speak vanished quickly behind his eyes.
You see I,
Lost sight of where our love went,
I can’t see it in his eyes anymore
So I,
Tried to look back,
To see where he left it,
But I guess he gave up long ago,
Because I can’t seem to remember what your heart looks like, anymore

But,
He loves me.

Pinning my shoulders to the slippery wet brick wall from the rain,
Because I like it like that.
Because apparently,
He can read my mind
And no meant yes,
And tears meant give me more,
And pushes that I provided
Meant I like it rough.
And I wonder if my dad even knows that I’m gone.

I fought with all that I had,
Elbow to throat,
Fist to jaw,
Foot to scrotum,
And screams to the wind,
But he didn’t even budge.

I wish he would just love me, Instead of my body.
He’s not crazy guy’s . .
He loves me..
Right?