The Monster Inside

My mind races a million miles an hour,

I feel on top of the world and nothing can turn me sour.

My motivation is endless, my confidence stays high

I stay optimistic even though I know I’m only just getting by.

Talking too much, I feel so free

Carelessly spending money because saving is not for me.

 

The less sleep the better, there’s never enough time

I want to be on the mountaintop and I am mastering the climb.

 

But suddenly, I slip and here comes the fall

I’ve lost my high and I am feeling so small.

Suddenly I am sad, suddenly I hurt,

Such a strong emotional pain I am unable to avert.

I want to be alone, I want to sleep all day

Because when I’m asleep the pain goes away.

I want out of this darkness, I want an end to these thoughts

Because wanting to end it all has my stomach in knots.

Feeling destructive and broken, I want to reach out

But no one understands quite what it is all about.

They say, “Just try to ignore it.” Or “It’s all in your head.”

No sense in arguing so I just nod and agree instead.

 

Couple weeks go by and I begin to see the light

The pain eases and for now I have won the fight.

My mind becomes normal, my heart is at ease

But I know it won’t last long, so the moment I’ll seize.

I am happy and feeling like one of my peers

I am no longer isolating or shedding sad tears.

But don’t underestimate the monster inside

He lurks in the shadows and he’s not on my side.

He gives you a taste of a normal mind

Then steals it away, keeping it confined.

The happiest on the outside are the saddest within

It's a fight to keep people they love from the dark places they've been

A constant battle with emotions and thoughts

A battle my mind has always fought.

How long will I be happy, how long sad?

How long will I feel normal and not so bad?

When will the thoughts stop, should I end it all?

When will I snap and have a tragic fall?

So many questions, but only the monster inside knows

For he controls all my highs and all my lows

Day by day is better as long as I stay on my meds

Forever in the hands of a medicine to give me a clear head.

But no matter what it’s a vicious disease,

Controlling my life with no guarantees.

Maybe one day my mind won’t be so ill

But for now I’ll rely on these blue and pink pills.

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