Five hundred and forty eight days ago

You told me to believe
You told me to have faith
That where we were now

and where we could be

was what we created
That together

and not alone we can
Define that word
Yes that word
That disgusting word
a word
that causes so much pain and suffering

and yet gives happiness

It blinds us

It blinded me

Happiness
was felt on the four hundred and eightieth day
exactly 68 days before today
But 69 days ago I didn't want this
I didn't want us

I went along with the ride because

it was what seemed right at the time
But I wasn't so sure
 

The transition from laughter to tears
was like a seesaw

going back and forth

and up and down
Like this beating thing in my chest
was yours to play with
But it's not a game
But I was blind and stupid
So I played your game

and with emotions high

I allowed myself to live in a fragile state for you to suffocate me with this word
A word that can fool anyone

and like a Venus Flytrap you waited for when

i believe i was at my strongest

engorging myself in the sweet bullshit you fed me

only for you to snap shut

leaving me not knowing which way was out

I believed you

I thought what you told me five hundred and forty eight days ago was true
I believed in the word I dare not speak
But you've grown to despise it
and hate me with it

I received your anger

your hate

what you wanted to end

I wanted to fight for

You gave up on the idea of what it could be

Here i am running into the door you slammed in my face
It left me feeling empty
You left me feeling empty

So now
Day 1

Here am I
Recovering

to be the same