Where am I going?
Where have I been?
Where am I headed?
Where have I stayed?
Where have I grown?
Where have I diminished?
Where have I learned?
Where have I forgotten?
As you can tell, I have no sense of direction
Compasses fail to lead me in the right location but instead guide me deep into the ocean where the depths of waters draw darker and darker until blindness is inevitable
No sign of shelter or peace
Just emptiness and gloom and desolation.
Where am I?
I am nowhere.
I am nothing.
The waves that shone bright turquoise and glimmered the sun’s radiance has grown dimmer and non-existent
Sea breeze kisses have turned into whips and lashes
That do not let up no matter how hard you plead.
I am a victim to my own depression and submersion
Where asphyxiation is inescapable
And life clings onto fingertips and demise consumes your body.
My hand reaches out for someone
To grab on.
But no one does.
And I sink.
Until I hit the ground and sand sputters around me
This is rock bottom.
I look up
And there is no light
I look around
And there is no light.
But when I think back to my past,
I think of how illumination was once a norm in my life.
Freshman year I was on top of the tide
Nothing could stop me
Remorse and bigotry could and would not stand in my way as I flooded over them,
My competitors did not seem like challenges as my waters rushed and swept and remained.
Dreams and aspirations flew as birds beside me as sea carried my body in a flow of embryonic liquid,
They were so close I could almost touch them.
I could hear the sounds of the waves whispering to me
Encouraging me with every breath I took
Giving me life and prosperity and feelings of euphoria and tranquility
And life was good,
Until the storm drew near.
Boats crashed around me
Islands were destroyed with water seeping into amusement parks and playgrounds
Paintings on refrigerator doors became damp and tore ripping the smiley face that stained it red
Teddy bears and innocence floated down the stream
Someone must have left them behind
I have no control over the storm.
And then it was quiet.
No one was there
No one to clean up after the flood.
And as I drifted deeper and deeper into the darkness,
As my mind began to lose hope,
As my judgments started to suffocate me,
I heard a voice.
The sounds of the waves?
Although soothing and harmonious, it was not the sea
It was the people on the island
Their faces familiar and their language alleviating.
Loves, kin, and companions.
Their town was wrecked and debris and waste scoured their roads,
But yet they stood together as one,
And they forgave me.
They forgave me for my sudden outburst
I rose up.
They forgave me for my lashes
I could breathe.
They forgave me for not being able to control my emotions
I was able to see a wink of light.
They forgave me because they knew I could be better
Life grabbed my hand once again.
The sea had always provided;
Food, water, amusement, survival
They forgave me because they knew the sea was unexpected
“The sea only brings the good and the right things that the island needs”
But like a person, it is unable to predict and foresee.
But after every storm, there will be a calm
There are those who refuse to forgive me for laying waste to their island,
There are those who will endure the upcoming storms and still remain for dross,
There are those that choose to ride the waves with me,
To encounter the obstacles that I will no longer be able to sweep underneath me,
To clash against opponents that are equal in size and no longer able to keep at bay,
To lift me up to touch the birds and hear the ocean once again,
And as I continued to ascend
I could see a small streak of turquoise up ahead