Hit me like a ton of bricks.

Sucked the air out of my lungs. 

Suckerpunched me in the face.

Absolutely debilitating

Depression.

 

Laying in the dark

A mess of moldy food

And piles of dirty clothes

Surrond me like a castle

Guarding me from the world I can't come to face.

I stare numbly at a blank wall.

This is what my year has been.

 

Sometimes, 

I lay awake at night scrolling through depression forums

Grasping and searching for a life raft

Only to come to the conclusion only I can help myself

I put my phone down.

 

My doctor prescribes me meds.

Will meds work?

I've read they can kill you in your sleep 

and,

I don't want to die

But sometimes I don't want to live.

 

Living is hard sometimes

But when I think about going to the beach

and,

Searching for sea shells with my back hunched over

The sun burning my skin

in the best kind of way

I can't help but think maybe this will go away.

 

Maybe next year will be okay. 

Maybe I'll be better.