Expression is a lethal weapon,
Locked in my own judgments,
Don’t understand why I’ve been chosen to fill the shoes of an unholy person
People with their own personifications, miscalculations, drawing conclusions in their mind of allusions.
Wrapped in a world were sin is praised
Begging God for my soul to take
Victimized in the cruelty of their minds
This ain’t how I want them to remember my first name
Heavy breathing distant reasons
My throat burns because I hold back a mountain of tears
Closing my eyes trying to find peace on this loose leaf
Poetry flows easy but my words uneasy
See I was only seventeen but yet it seemed like I was going through a mid life crisis
See no one understands and adoption ain’t the plan,
nothings better than bearing your own.
It seems like the good intentions resulted in bad decisions. What a life I own.
They say God has a plan but the devil has a path and I walk before I think. Alone.
Headed down a road because no one ever told me life could be this way.
Now I’m stuck half self-destruct,
Asking God is this what he has in store.
No direct answers so I lead the way
Hoping I’d see better days,
Hoping the rain would wash the pain away,
But it only soaked my clothes.
Hopeless from despair, encouraged by rage and pain, I leaped into mid air
Falling with the wind in my hair, for once I feel free, then I hit reality.
See no one ever paid attention so how would they know.
Remember I was only seventeen, who’d think I’d take my own life?
So instead of this being a poem it’s a death wish. Tears staining the pages as I wrote this.
Took a pill for everyone I loved resulted in the whole bottle
Depression turned into numbness, pain turning bittersweet, My life is far from what it use to be. Free from everything I leave this.
And I hope you understand this was never the plan, but it resulted to this.
For the ones I love you’ll forever be in my soul and for you I wrote this.
Taking my last stroke as I fall in my last sleep I hope you never forget me.
For my true struggles, my true identity remains a mystery.
I grasped my strengths, enhanced my weakness, and held tight to my vulnerability.
Brung back who I was and let go of who once inhabitant me.
Nothing hurts worse than a self-inflicted wound, so within these cuts I found peace.