I’m split between two lives.

I don’t want either one. I feel like I’m lying to The Other, but then I remember that The Other is also a lie. I don’t know what the truth is. I don’t remember where one lie ends and the other begins.  It has all become so confusing. I feel like a decision needs to be made, but how can I choose, when I don’t know the difference between right and wrong? My mind would be able to figure it out, but my heart tells it to rebel and fight and be free. The Other wants me to listen to my heart. The Lie wants my brain to rule. I just want to make the choice and live with it. Sometimes I feel like The Other has won. But as soon as I get home, I live The Lie over again. They say it will all come with time, but what if, I don’t have enough?