Just on Autopilot

Locations

San Mateo, CA
United States
37° 33' 46.7712" N, 122° 19' 31.89" W

 

Bad\horrible memories swirl inside my head

pain stinging my heart

while poison sets inside

just memories of death, pain and anger corrodes my soul

memories of tear filled sleepless nights and a wet salty pillow

frustration grows each thought

yelling, screaming, crying

i talk i wright nothing changes

i get it out but i feel the same

talking is useless

just leads to fighting

time to start a new

but how

how do i look back and forgive

to forgive is to say it's okay when it's not

I REFUSE TO FORGIVE HER, HIM, OR EVEN HIM!

because it's NOT okay and it NEVER will be

so many changes that were unneeded

to mend this wound will take forever

i can only band-aid it for so long

till it pours out and then all is solved

but never forever

i bleed pain from my heart

and love is infinitely there

but when I'm alone it disappears

and i face what I've been hiding from for my hole life

the scares, visible and invisible are my fault, ebb of my friends my fault, ridicule my fault, deaths my fault

to have said and then done is cruel to a ten year old

to have life cease while lying down and sleeping through it should be called

murder

my gut was right and i was careless and she was the one to pay

seventh grade is too early to have a depression

to have suicide to enter the mind at such a young age, is like it has already happened

it's like a stun to the mind

i worked but it really was never me

just a empty vessel

on autopilot

 

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