Just on Autopilot
Locations
Bad\horrible memories swirl inside my head
pain stinging my heart
while poison sets inside
just memories of death, pain and anger corrodes my soul
memories of tear filled sleepless nights and a wet salty pillow
frustration grows each thought
yelling, screaming, crying
i talk i wright nothing changes
i get it out but i feel the same
talking is useless
just leads to fighting
time to start a new
but how
how do i look back and forgive
to forgive is to say it's okay when it's not
I REFUSE TO FORGIVE HER, HIM, OR EVEN HIM!
because it's NOT okay and it NEVER will be
so many changes that were unneeded
to mend this wound will take forever
i can only band-aid it for so long
till it pours out and then all is solved
but never forever
i bleed pain from my heart
and love is infinitely there
but when I'm alone it disappears
and i face what I've been hiding from for my hole life
the scares, visible and invisible are my fault, ebb of my friends my fault, ridicule my fault, deaths my fault
to have said and then done is cruel to a ten year old
to have life cease while lying down and sleeping through it should be called
murder
my gut was right and i was careless and she was the one to pay
seventh grade is too early to have a depression
to have suicide to enter the mind at such a young age, is like it has already happened
it's like a stun to the mind
i worked but it really was never me
just a empty vessel
on autopilot